Tiredd of Headgames

Recently, after being adamantly pursued by a man, I agreed to meet him for coffee. Prior to agreeing to meet him, he told me to dump all the other guys I was dating because after meeting him, and the way he would sweep me off my feet, he stated that i probably wouldn't want to date anyone else. Well of course i took all of that with a grain of salt, after all i am 45.

So I finally agreed to meet with him on a friday for coffee, well that happened to be the tuesday of the week. Everyday, after i agreed to meet him on friday he essentially begged me to meet him sooner. I kept saying no, but i would happily meet him on friday. After his continual *begging* i chose to meet him one day sooner on the thursday of that week. Well he came and picked me up right on time, dressed beautifully, took me for coffee and all we did was laugh non-stop. It appeared that we really hit it off, so much so, that when after coffee and a long walk in the park, he left to get to a scheduled meeting. When his short lived meeting was over he called me right after that and asked me  if i wanted to continue our coffee date. I happily agreed. So 15min. later he was back at my front door and we went for a late lunch. Once  again we had a wonderful time. After lunch, since we both had children to take care of, he went to pick up his daughter and i returned home to wait for my sons to return from school. Around 630pm, this man called me and asked me if i had anytime available to see him the following day. I happily announced that i did.

Due to the fact that both of us had kids, and were quite new to the dating scene, we agreed to take things very slowly sexually, so if our instant infatuation with each other had to do more with lust then anything else, we could dump the whole thing and at least maintain what we both agreed would be a special relationship.

Well a few days past, and not hearing from him at all, i called him to see how he was doing. He answered OK, and i said why just ok? He said we needed to talk and if i had time he would like to come over and talk. I agreed. So shortly after we spoke he was at my front door. He then proceeded to state that he didn't think i was ready to be dating. I quickly stopped him from continuing and told him never to speak on my behalf and if the reality was that he wasn't ready to date, that was fine, but not to put it on me. He apologized. He went on to say that he had terrible *trust* issues. He said that he felt i could have anyman that i wanted, in my head i was laughing because i certainly did not agree with that. He admitted that he hated the attention i got in the very chat room that we met, and had reluctantly admitted that one day he drove by my house, and even though there was no car in my driveway he was certain i had someone else over. I thanked him for his honesty and told him that since i had met him i had not speant any time with anyone else. On top of it, i told him if he was having trust issues, i would for a certain amount of time close down my profile on the dating site we met and not go into the chat room where he said he believed that every man there was after me.

After stating that i was prepared to do that he said that i didnt have too, because it was his issue and i had not done anything wrong. I proceeded to tell him that he was more important to me then any dumb chat room or any dating profile, and that by doing this, it might at least give him a chance to have some time to realize that some, if not most women, are trustworthy. So i did what i said i would do. I closed down my profile and never went back to the chat room where i met him.

We had 2 more amazing dates, then unfortunately he got strept throat. he called me to tell me, and the day before his throat was really hurting, he looked so physically ill, it was not hard for me to see that he could possibly have strept throat, and having had it in the past i knew how miserable it could make you feel. So a few days passed and i hadn't heard a word from him, so i called him to see how he was feeling. He never returned my call.

Now when we first started spending time with each other, i told him the only thing he could do to me that would truly hurt, was if he were to wipe me out of his life with no explanation ...... well to make a long story short, that is exactly what he did. i did one more thing before i threw in the towel, i sent him an e-card, which gave you a box to check off, if you wanted to be notified when the ard was picked up. It is now a week later, he eithe completely deleted the card without opening it or for some bizaar reason he still has it but doesn't have the guts to read it. Funnily enough, there was nothing ugly or cruel written in that card, it was simply stating that i didn't understand his behaviour, so even if he was dating someone else could he at least have enough respect for me to call me or email me to tell me why he did the one thing i told him could hurt me. To wipe me out of his life and never explain why.

So, YES, i am tired of headgames, his behaviour i could understand from an immature 18 year old, but as a father and a 45 year old man, i didn't understand it at all. In the end it is HIS loss but sadly, how would he ever feel if some young man did that to his little girl!!

AlwaysRemembers AlwaysRemembers
41-45, F
7 Responses Apr 14, 2007

You were too accepting, too trusting, too welcoming, too eager to please him and make him feel exclusive. You were coming off as too needy. Next time turn down the volume a bit. Never delete your profile or make those kinds of adjustments for a new guy, it appears to some men as if you are desperate. Some guys enjoy the chase but once they have your interest they are gone. Be grateful you didn't waste more time on him, I am sorry this happened to you, you sound like a perfectly wonderful and decent person.

Maybe he died.

I agree with WittyOne. When I read the bit about him coming to your place and talking with you about having all these delusions about you seeing or talking to other men and then driving by your house to see who might be in your driveway all before establishing anything really solid with you... You're better off without him. He sounds like he could easily be the type to get *very* unjustifiably jealous and weird about where you're going and who you're seeing. It might've gotten scary. Sometimes it takes a while to get to know the real person. After all, abused women don't usually know before getting into a relationship that their partner is abusive. Take it as most likely a godsend.

I had a bad feeling when I first started reading your story, then I got to the part where you were laughing and having a good time and thought maybe I was wrong. Apparently my first feeling was correct. <br />
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He has more than trust issues, he has control issues and self esteem issues. Those are all bad signs. Men with self esteem issues tend to compensate by belittling the ones closest to them.<br />
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My advice to you, even if he calls, don't get involved, and then next time you date, don't be so quick to make concessions.

Sadly, i have met ppl, NOT from the interent that have done just as stupid things.....

I agree with you whole heartedly, both women and men may do such things and even think that by doing it they are kind, BUT in reality the TRUTH for me anyway, ia ALWAYS better, it allowys me to move forward in my life FASTER. This particular man has since called quite a few times but has even lied to me over the smallest of things which i simply do not understand. I sent him a simple email with a program that allows you to know exactly when they open and read it. When i asked him if he had read my email he said no, he hadn't had time yet, BUT because of this great little tracking device i knew that he had, lol. So why even lie about whether or not you had read a simple email? lol. I obviously nolonger believe a word that comes out of his mouth any more, nor do i even believe i know his REAL name, eg!! In the end, because i never hate to believe the worse of anyone i have chosen to believe that he just has too much on his plate right now, but sadly for him he has LOST one of the BEST friends he could have ever had, because if all he had been was honest with me i would have said, np, but if you want we can be friends, no pressure, and i would have been there for him at ANY time!!

Men can be such cowards. He probably felt like such a '****' for whatever reason he was ignoring you that he couldn't get up the courage to at least be honest with you. sometimes this is out of a genuine desire to not hurt the other person, even though it causes more pain in the long run. Any other guys out there got a view on this?