He Told Me I Was Special, But I Was Just Another ***

I met him years ago, on an internet sex site. We met, went to our apartment and I had one of the greatest sexual experiences of my life. We began to hook up weekly-and not only did we have great sex but we began to become friends. I went thru 2 breakups with my life partner, and he was there for my emotional support both times. At one point we even talked about if we were a couple, would we still be swingers. I love him- as a friend and a person, but I know that we could not be a couple. We simply do not have enough common interests in our day to day lives. But he has been a very important person in my life. For the last few months, we would email, chat and talk on the phone-everyday. He told me I was special..that all the other women were just '*****", but I was his friend and #1 bbc ****. I believed him. I wanted to be speical. Then about 3 months ago, he made plans to come see me and cancelled not once but twice in the same month-both time using work as his excuse. My husband told me that if I was really important to him, he would not do this, but I defended him because it was due to his work. He kept promising me to come down and see me, but never offered a specific date. Then he asked me to meet him at a truck stop=at 4am for a quickie. I went, several times. I delivered myself to him-Additionally, I made two trips to see him -yet, he could not come see me. He wanted me to find couples for us to play with, and also a female for a 3sum. I started looking. He met a woman who lived even farther away from him than i did, and I found out he was willing to travel to see her, yet he had not fulfilled his promise to come see me yet.

One night while we were at a swingers club, I met a woman I thought I could do the 3sum with. I contacted her and set up a play date. She was going to bring a bbc friend of hers, and we would have a 4 sum. Meanwhile, he could not wait for our play date,and contacted her for a private play date -just him and her. He could not wait to **** the new *****. Honestly it made me feel used and cheap. Like I was being used for him to find new *****. She blew him off the first night they were supposed to meet. Still he pursued her,and they met and ****** before our play date. I sucked it up and told myself it was not important. Then life dealt me a crappy hand, and the day of our play date I got my cycle-I had to cancell. She met my husband and I for dinner, which was very considerate of her. But during dinner she made a comment that she was not into the group thing, then turned around and asked me when i wanted to reschedule. I gave her a date- she said she would check her schedule and get back to me. Later that same evening, my friend came and took me out to music and dancing, thus validating in my mind that I really was speical to him=-after all he could have been out ******* another woman, yet he chose to spend the night hanging out with me.

I sent an email to my new femail friend, asking her if she wal available for our new date-and also telling her if she did not feel comfortable with playing in a group. please be honest with me. She never responded. On the other hand, she did tell my friend-that she had other plans on that date. It appeared to me from things she told me that she was only interested in her next conquest, so I sent her a new email recommending a new bbc partner I had met-funny how within just hours I got a response from her, yet she had never responded to my earlier email about our group play date. It confirmed in my mind, she only cared about her next conquest. My friend called and asked me to go to a swingers club because he thought she would be there that night-the same night we had scheduled for our group play date. She was not there,but low and behold-the next day she emailed me- and also contacted him. Coincidence?? I think not! My partner and I had both agreed that she was a game player, and treated people with little or no respect. So, when he called me that night and told me she wanted to schedule a play date with him, I told him that I was not interested in being her friend anymore. That I did not care to be treated like I was not important. He got upset with me and told me that I should not let me emotions get involved in the situation, and that swinging is just about *******=nothing more. I disagreed with him -and told him that I do not **** just anything-that my select few partners are also people I connect with mentally and emotionally. So, he has not spoken to me for days. he is shutting me out-which I believe is evidence that ******* her is more important to him than my friendship. Now please understand that I never asked him not to **** her, all I asked is that he not talk to me about it.
I respect his right to play with any one he choses to, but I also think as my friend he would respect my feelings. Also, my standards for playing are very different that his, and I suggested that we "agree to disagree". Instead, he can't even talk to me.

So I have come to the conclusion, I am not "special" to him, I am just another ****-and when I did not play the game his way the simply threw me away. Well, I admit not having him in my life as a lover and friend will leave a hole that no one else can fill, but I think the same can be said for the hole I will leave in his life-he just does not know it yet.
MtnMama4u MtnMama4u
51-55, F
4 Responses May 17, 2012

I'm sorry, but I find that terribly inconsiderate! Unless I am wrong, he will someday realize just what you really were as a lover for him? He could have been far more honestt and you have the right to feel the way you did...used!

Thank you for your kind words and understanding.

well, he will always have a special place in my heart-he was my best friend thru some rough times, but ultimately we came to a standoff about our "standards" regarding sexual play. I like Quality and he is all about quantity. I will miss him deeply, but life is all about change.

It's a tough choice to make ... emotional contact or physical contact. I hope you find the right balance, with the right person, to make you happy.

well, I will always treasure the sweet memories I have of him and what we shared...

Very understandable when you enjoy a certain close contact with a lover but I think you're far to sexy and much of a woman to walk away from! From some of the photos, it's clear to see the bond you two once had!

We really had an amazing bond...