I Am Way To Honest!

Sometimes I sit and wonder, if I wasn't so upfront and honest about myself, would life be easier. I sometimes feel like it could because when someone finds out something they don't like, truth or not its a problem.
Thinking about 2 ex bf's when I wrote this... the one who I recently broke up with, and another man I have been sleeping with/seeing off and on for about 4 years now. After we broke up for the first time I sorta gave up caring what he thinks.
Since being single and seeing him again, and just being honest, I can tell my honesty makes him doubt me, and I can't say it wouldn't for me either if I were him dealing with me. Just makes you wonder, is honesty really a virtue in this world?
I wrote this poem thinking about it.

I feel messed up cursed with attraction
doing me feels right
but caused some ****** up interaction

I don't mean to leave these men in this questioning state
but if honestly is a virtue then love is hate

I've got nothing to hide and I live with no shame
When you live like that your expected to take blame

I'm an open book judge all you like
My concern is me
i'll always tell you do what makes you feel right

I live and I learn but make no promises about that
It can be hard to handle when I ask, just sit back

I know my imperfections, my weakness is clear
accept it cuz I gave up shedding tears

be who you are, I can't be mad with that
all I ask is you respect me with the same courtesy back

when it hurts you, the truth I can always admit
a sucker for punishment or growing pains
I live for that ****

calmly i'll tell you i'm ****** up in that way
you don't hafta understand
just realize sometimes even I don't have a say

you question the truth, does it not seem so real
harder to believe and it hurts you
isn't a stretch to know you feel

doing me is ok, focused on the my
but love can't be hate not at the same time
being honest can be as bad as a lie

ForgetHate ForgetHate
26-30, F
Dec 6, 2012