The Jealous Girl

I can't help to be jealous, I never get the attention I want and the love I want from others. I'm the youngest in my family, most people see the youngest as the favorite, the one whom parents spoiled. Yes youngest are mostly spoiled but not to me, my mom prefers my two brothers, my sister, and my cousin, and my dad prefers my brother and my sister. (BTW, I have two older bros and two older sis.)

I'm jealous to them, to my sisters, to my brothers, and to my cousin. I just can't help it, mostly when I think of this I cry and get depressed. I always tell myself that I am not good enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough, not the one they will be proud of and there's nothing I can do. I know its stupid of me to think that way, I REALLY CAN'T HELP IT, I have low self-confidence and I am too self-conscious. None of my family ever notices me, none of them really give me their attention, all I get are criticisms and insults, or sometimes I never get anything.
  • I'm jealous to my brothers and sisters because they always get what they want, the attention, stuff, and everything.
  • I'm jealous to my eldest brother because my mom favors him so much.
  • I'm jealous to my eldest sister and my older brother because they are so beautiful, my dad and mom prefers them so much. Everytime we get together, they always compares us.
  • I'm jealous of my older sister because she always gets the attention from my parents.
  • I'm jealous to my cousin because (I really do think) my mom loves her more than she loves me. I can see it in my mom's eyes that she prefers my cousin than me. She buys her expensive stuff voluntarily and can't even buy me something I need.
No I'm not selfish, I don't want all the attention, I just want to know what if feels like getting the attention to the people you truly love, just for once. You may say that I may be exaggerating, I wish I am (and no I was never abused physically and verbally by my family). But seeing and feeling this makes me more depressed. I want my dad to appreciate me and love me for me, I want my mom to tell me that I am beautiful even for once (she never told me that ever) and listen to me, I want my siblings to support me in whatever I do and won't insult me, and I want my cousin to just back off a little, though I still love her. I can't confront them for this because I don't like confronting others and the awkward situations.

This is why I'm a jealous girl and I always have.
sunsetglow sunsetglow
22-25, F
2 Responses Mar 20, 2011

I understand how you feel growing up i was also the youngest and like you said i thought the youngest was supposed to be spoiled and get attention, but nope I have 2 older brothers get the attention and can get away with anything, the first time i got one on one attention with anyone was when i was 11 and moved to my grandparent after 5yrs of living there i moved back in with my mother and my older brother was living here to and the oldest was moved out and got more attention and love and stuff and the brother that was living with us was moms favorite and got away with everything like he stole moms car while under the influence and was only punished a week cause he made mom laugh while i was late for curfew and was grounded a month and a half...but my stepfather kicked him out of the house for other reasons and even then my mom didnt act like she loved me she didnt want me downstairs with her or anything, now i have a baby sister which i love...and i am not jealous of but happy for...<br />
another thing im very jealous of as of late is my eldest brother see we were both friends with this girl which i like but then he started dating he and now there moving in im jealous cause 1.hes not stuck in some stupid girls body and 2. he got the girl....

Maybe talk to your parents, dear? Tell them how you feel? I'm sure they love you, but it doesn't matter, what matters is you don't feel loved enough. No one should feel like this, it is unfair. Hope it will change for you