Embarrassed To Tell Anyone

Usually people are too scared to tell someone they have an eating disorder or that they've been raped or molested but nope not me. I'm a coward and. I'm ugly and fat an I don't even like who I am as a person sometimes. I want to tell someone but I have a hard time being serious about it. I mean, it's just embarassing to me. I don't want to seem like I just want attention so I never say anything.
I sometimes even feel like people look at me because I'm ugly and fat and awkward. I don't know how to do anything normal, what am I supposed to do with my hands when I'm walking around a store looking at shoes? I feel like I'm always doing the wrong thing and I look funny. I'm scared that if I told my grandma (who I've lived with for years) she would just bring it up at the doctors. The doctor already wants me to see a counselor. The doctor couldn't get me to open up so how am I supposed to deal with a psychiatrist?
If I talked to my grandma about it though, I would probably try to make it sound as un-serious as possible and she would end up saying that I'm not fat or ugly. :P
Another thing I hate is how I over analyze things like this. I do more thinking than doing.
Ugghgghh
Unicorn1039 Unicorn1039
18-21, F
1 Response May 14, 2012

OMG! you are literally my twin !