Warring With Myself.

I can't say I've ever really had to choose. I've always been a very logical person. Emotions aside, I consider the effect of things in the long run. I'm usually very down to earth and not easily swept away by my emotions. But things started to change when my future came crashing down. I'm the type of person who actually keeps a ten year plan and tries to stick to it...

My fiance was the center of my plan. Last year he broke up with me and well, my head wasn't able to handle that. I started doing very illogical things because I felt like it. Speed up a year - we're back together because (even though it didn't make sense) I followed my heart and took him back. He didn't fit into my new plans or new life, but I wanted him back. I didn't think it through, I didn't consider all the things he'd done to me.

Now I'm here falling for another man while engaged to someone that I don't know what to think about. My fiance is a very, very practical choice. Hes a hard worker, wants a family, is very good with children. The other man is in the military, has kids, and a wife...

This is where that logical little voice in my head should be setting some sort of alarm. Keep on track!!! Don't ruin your life and his!!!! STOP!!!

But someone turned down the volume. Oh, I can still hear it in that mousy little voice. But above it, I hear: Don't forget what your fiance did to you. Don't just give in. Don't settle for miserable when you have something perfect...just wait until it ripens and picks it.

My heart is thudding in my ears, it wont let me ignore the feelings I have (and no longer have)...

But I'm a very logical person. How can I set myself up to be hurt...but I can't see a happy ending.

Morrighan Morrighan
22-25, F
Mar 1, 2010