I Just Wish I Knew What To Do!

Ive been having an affair with this man i met at a local bar for about 8 months, the first 6 months were pretty casual, we had agreed not to get feelings involved and it was going great i got to have my cake and eat it too!! So things with my husband of 2-3 years are not going good at this point and i use every excuse to stick with the affair,, i am so guilty , my husband is a good man , i have fallen for my lover but hes kind of a deadbeat, no job no money, my husband is a good provider, and i have financial security with him. My lover  on the other hand is kind of a deadbeat,, no job no money, but of course the sex and attraction we share is like dynamite and i have fallen head over heels in love with him,, he has grown tired of me still living with my husband and he just gave me an ultimatum,, if i dont leave my husband in 2 weeks, he is calling off the affair for good, and i cant  live with that. I still love my husband, but i never had that sexual chemistry with anyone ive ever known not even my husband and im scared if i dont leave him i will regret it for years to come. And im scared if i leave my husband ill also regret it for years to come!! So basically im dammed if i do and damed if i dont!! i really need advice on this one so any and all opinions will be appreciated, i know some will judge but pls dont i have burried myself so deep in this i just really need peoples advice on what i should really do!!!

needageenie needageenie
22-25, F
8 Responses Jul 30, 2010

thank u all soo much for ur advice, as i posted this i have written a list of pros and cons and of course my 'lover' will never compare to my husband,, i still love my husband and we would always be having great sex all over the house!! LOL i know we can get back to the rythm of things and well be ok all i have to do is just end the affair for good. pls add me guys thank u !!

Imaqine if he found out about yr affair lady, youll kill him. I hope he finds out especially if you decide not to tell him. He probably suspects it anyways, so just cut it out.. Your married, hes not your boyfriend hes your husband. If you dont leave the deadbeat alone he WILL find out and you'll rly feel stuck. Your 'boyfriend' wont provide for you, and you'll be mad at him for everythinq that happened, when you rly shud qet mad at yourself. And another thinq, if your boyfriend isnt respectinq your relationship (alonq with u) then he has no problem cheatinq on u. Man...

WELL IF UR HUSBAND IS A GOOD MAN AND PROVIDES 4 U THEN U MITE WANT 2 STAY BUT U ALSO NEED 2 FIGURE OUT WHAT MADE U WANT 2 HAVE THE AFFAIR IN THE 1ST PLACE

WELL IF UR HUSBAND IS A GOOD MAN AND PROVIDES 4 U THEN U MITE WANT 2 STAY BUT U ALSO NEED 2 FIGURE OUT WHAT MADE U WANT 2 HAVE THE AFFAIR IN THE 1ST PLACE

Hey, been there gf. Left my first husband for a deadbeat, because i couldn't stand the idea of never dancing with him again. Well, i would have left that husband because he was unkind eventually. However, yours does not appear to be an unkind chap. Anyway, deadbeat quickly got on my nerves. Getting up going to work, coming home to find the house a mess and him still sleeping. Yes the sex was great, but the slothfulness was grating! Left him and found a new husband, who though not perfect makes me happy (don't read my other posts lol).

Oh wow Geenie. Let me start by saying, "I have felt your pain." I speak from my heart and with experience.<br />
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It looks to me like you've fallen in love with the excitement your lover can bring you, but perhaps not fallen in love with the man. Honestly speaking, can you really admit to having true feelings for the guy if you're already ok calling him a 'deadbeat'. If you recognize that now how the heck do you expect to feel better about him later? "He's grown tired of you still living with your husband...", oh really?! In the meantime, has he made any effort in looking for a job and making himself a better man - to make him and his life more appealing to you? Nope. But he sure is ok telling you what YOU MUST DO TO KEEP HIM, huh?<br />
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I'm going to assume your husband is about the same age as you, and I'm going to assume the age you put on here is true, which leads me to think, "WTF!!!??? is going on with your physical relationship with your husband at this age?" You should playing girl bunny and boy bunny as often as you can.<br />
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Sweetheart, you've got a venue right here, i.e. EP, that could be the least expensive therapy you could find. Start a new profile, tell your husband you came across this site by accident (or 'whatever', this little fib is nothing compared to the other). Get him to start his own profile and give him the chance and some time to explore it on his own. Join him on it one evening and discuss some of the sexual experiences on here. Ask him which ones he found interesting, ask him which ones he found appalling, ask him if he's ever thought about any of the sexual experiences he's read about on here. Be honest and tell him which ones you find interesting/appalling/curious. Maybe you'll find some common interests you never knew you had. Maybe you two could start playing EP sexual tag through your avatars. It's a whole lot easier writing something that feels anonymous than it is, sometimes, saying it in person. But be honest with him. You need to tell him that you want to work on the physical aspect of your relationship. Are you absolutely, already sure he knows you're not getting enough at home? Aside from the 'sex' aren't you missing the very, very special bond that comes from making love with someone that you're already sharing your heart with?<br />
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Listen to me Baby Sister, and I say this sincerely, it hurts me to see you in this situation already. Leave the deadbeat and focus your energies on your husband. Make an honest effort with him, and for him. Make sure you give him the lattitude and time to explore and express. You know him well enough to have him as your husband, but there still may be some buried things he's not telling you about. Buried hurts and latent sexuality is HUGE HUGE HUGE here on EP. I've been honoured with the trust of a number of people on here and I've discovered some interesting things about myself - I hope it can help you too.<br />
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So, there you have it. You can take my opinion, thus far, or you can leave it. I'm going to add you as a friend. If you want to continue this conversation privately I'd be honoured to be you big Sister.

You would be an idiot to leave for this other fellow. Eventually the thrill you have with him will wear off. If you want better sex with your husband there's a lot you can do to make that happen. Don't put all the responsibility on him; take responsibility yourself to make it better. There are lots of books on amazon.com on how to revitalize a stale sexual relationship. Communicate with your husband instead of hoping he will read your mind.

hey..i dont know your love for your boyfriend but i surely think that you should stick to your husband who is your official lover.because he is the one who has provided you that security(as you said you need it) and if your boyfriend loved you so much then he would have cared to provide you the same..spare me if i am being rude...and sex is not love..sex gives momentary pleasure but leaves you with pain for ever..so exercise some self control and indulge yourself in some acttvities ,some creative hobbies and ask your husband to make love to you..you know the woman power baby..i am sure you must be sexy enough to seduce him again..whatever you do , do it with full faith and confidence...good luck sweetie..