Help I Am About To Lose My Mind

So this is a very long story bear with me. 
I met "Guy 1" 11 and a half years ago. Up until that time I thought something was wrong with me because I never had felt like I had true love for any man. I always felt as though I wish they would just leave and give me space. But upon meeting "Guy 1" I was crazy mad in love with him, wanted him around at all times and things were great. Then 4 years into relationship the fighting started and that feeling I had when he walked in the door had now turned from sheer excitement to pure loathing. After 2 years of that I decided to leave. He would then start the crying and dying bit and myself being a very tender hearted person ended up returning not because I wanted to be there but because I couldn't stand hurting him. So I stayed became numb and for the next six years, not even realizing that I was just alive but not living or feeling.

I met "Guy 2" through "Guy 1" about 6 years ago. There was an instant attraction to him but one I would not act on because of my morals and values. Over the next 6 years he and I would become best friends. He tried to get me to go out with him but I would never cross that line because of guy number 1. Recently "Guy 2" came to me and informed me that if I was never going to give him the chance that he was going to have to go and find a girlfriend. Well that devastated me to really doing soul searching and I came to the decision that I had spent 6 and a half years trying to find that love I had for "Guy 1" and it was only very lonely and depressing. So I was not willing to give up the only happiness I had known all through this and that being "Guy 2".  So I left "Guy 1". 

At first everything was beautiful the light that had left my face years ago had once again returned. But then "Guy 1" started calling and saying he was dying and that he couldn't live unless I would at least be his friend so once again I am talking to him and feeling so sorry for him, the light is gone again because I feel like I am going crazy. I have moved in and out of "Guy 2" house so many times that I am shocked he still wants anything to do with me. Please help I don't know what to do. I love "Guy 1" not in love with him but he offers a life of security. I am so totally in love with "Guy 2" but I am not sure if I can leave my dog, and upon saying that, my dog is an inside dog has been spoiled the whole 6 years of his life, if I was to take him to "Guy 2 " he is currently living in a camper trailer having been recently divorced (2 years) and trying to put his life back together, so there is no room for a dog my dog would have a serious adjustment to living outside. And I know this sounds very selfish but really I am having a hard time. If I decide to stay with "Guy 1" "Guy 2" cries and I run to him and vice versa it is really starting to drive me insane. Please help.
VBlackard VBlackard
Jul 11, 2010