I Don't Know What The Right Choice Is Anymore, Who Should I Choose?

I am having a major dilemma. I have been in a relationship with a man for 8 months now, and I love him with everything in me. We're almost perfect for each other, and have discussed the future- a lot. He's everything I want personality-wise. And we're so close, I love him so much. The problem is, he does not plan to go back to school, has issues finding jobs, and seems like his future may not be what I need to help me support any children I might have. Myself, I plan to go back to school and get a career in lab science, but he has no ambition. Just the other day, I met a man who is very much like me, and we clicked almost instantly. We spent 12 hours in a coffee bar just talking about everything. He wants to take me on dates and he seems like almost my dream guy. He is in school, has a job, and has a family-oriented mind, which is what I always looked for. The only issue with him is that he is a very republican christian, and i am a very democratic christian with some altered ideas... I'm EXTREMELY pro-choice and pro-gay rights (I'm also bisexual and have several times thought about giving up on men entirely, women seem to fit what I'm looking for a lot more often than men do) while he is pro-life and thinks homosexuality is a sin.

I don't know what to do.... I'm in a very serious relationship and I don't want to cheat, but I feel like this new guy could be nearly perfect... I am in love with the man I'm with now, but I feel I could fall in love with the new guy, as I'm already almost crushing on him. The worst part is, if I break up with my current guy, I'll break his heart and that would break my heart. And if I let the new guy go... I'll never know what could have been. Help? Advice?

SeedOfErin SeedOfErin
18-21, F
5 Responses Mar 2, 2010

You're way too young to be in a serious, exclusive relationship. You need to spend your youth dating lots of people so you can discover EXACTLY what you want in a life mate. And believe me, if you settle on something major like how ambitious your partner is your relationship is doomed from the start. A boyfriend who leaves the toilet seat up is someone you can settle for, how ambitious he is is not.<br />
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And please wait until your late 20's, or early thirties to get married and settled down. We live until we're eighty, roughly, you'll have five decades with your partner and your chances at having a successful marriage go WAY up if you wait until your 30's to get married.

First of all he isn't everything you want and if you stay in the relationship you will end up being disappointed. You need to let him know that what you need if you stay with him. I also think you are having a case of envy. The grass is always greener on the other side but it might just be growing over a septic tank. If you are really in love with your boyfriend you owe it to him to talk things through and be honest about what you need. If he can give it to you then you stay, if not, then you move on with the other man after leaving your boyfriend. Just my opinion. I wish you luck because I do not envy you this situation.

Have you talked with your boyfirend to let him know how you feel about your future? If he loves you that much he will understand the need and the importance of working hard for your life together. If it's not that important to him; there you have it. If you stay with a slacker who never changes you will regret it later; wondering what could have been.

the problem is, we HAVENT grown apart, which is why im so confused... to break up with him id have to work to grow apart, actualy make an effort to stop connecting with him, and it would be a slow process.

Dump the slacker. I agree you shouldn't cheat on the dude, so let him know it's all finito. Don't tell him you're dumping him because you met someone new, just give him the usual "We've grown apart" speech. A little pain now to save you both a lot of pain later.<br />
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Hey, you know I'm right. If you were really happy in your current relationship you wouldn't be asking this question.