New Again

  I guess I can start by saying that I have not always been present in my marriage.  I have never cheated, however I was just going through the motions of being married.  It was September 10th 2009 and my husband had surgery the day before.  I decided to sleep on the couch so I would not kick him or hurt him.  He came to the top of the stairs at 3am and softly called my name.  I jumped up, and asked if he was OK.  He said he needed to helped back to bed.  I ran up the stairs taking them two at a time.  I came into the bedroom and asked him how many times did he have to call me to wake me up.  We started laughing at that, because I am heavy sleeper apparently.  I started to feel strange, like you know a movie that slows down, I was trying to make it to the bathroom to give myself a moment, and that was the last thing I remember. 

  I had blacked out, and my poor husband, all stitched could not do a lot to help.  I remember hearing him speak to me saying "come on sweetie".."We need to get to the hospital, your mother is not breathing, call 911).  I thought he was talking about my mother....she has been very sick.  I kept trying to get up, because that point in my life was I was everything to everyone, and I needed to get to my mother.  I am all she has.  I remember going down the stairs trying to run for the door, and I could not breath and felt weird.  It felt as if I was sucking air through a straw and I was very confused.  Long story short, the ambulance was called for ME, and I was sent for a ride in EMS, which I really don't remember at all.  I do remember rolling down my driveway on a stretcher looking back at my house disappear in the dark, and thinking that I was so sorry for all the wasted time.  I always thought there would be time...

  I really don't remember a lot of my ER visit.   I am lucky in the fact that I work at the hospital and everyone knew me, and it was also embarrassing too.  It was strange.  I was admitted sometime later (time meant nothing to me at this point), and I was admitted for a TIA, a stroke, a small one.....

  That was my come to Jesus moment.  You know in your life things happen, and you do not see the signs that are right there in front of you.  Jesus was knocking at my door, and I never let him in because I thought I could control all aspects of my life, and I could not let go of any of it.  I felt like if anyone touched me I would explode I was so wound up all the time, so I shut down internally to make it through.  Well Jesus thumped on the head, and boy did it get my attention.

  My husband and I have been talking ever since.  Some things were painful to see from his prospective, and I shames me to think about them.  He loves me more that I deserve.  We have promised each other to be honest with the other, even if it may hurt the other, it is important to not keep things from each other.  I have never felt this close to him.  When I lay in his arms and he holds me tight, we are one.  I do not know where I begin and he ends.  It is strange, I can say that I love him so much it is a painful, powerful thing.


MissGif MissGif
36-40, F
2 Responses Feb 25, 2010

Very Cool!

Wow, sweetie. I really do love you.