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Feeling Totally Lost and Alone

I don't really know where to begin.  I'm here at this site for a reason.  Part of me wants to stop feeling the way I feel but part of me is comfortable with the status quo.  Change is hard.  It's easier to sit back and feel sorry for myself instead of doing something about it.  I am trapped behind a wall.  A wall I built years ago to keep people out and protect myself.  Now I'm trapped behind that wall and don't know how to get out.

I have no close friends or family and have battled depression in the past.  I have a job but it's not a career.  I don't even know what I want to do with my life and at my age I think that's pretty sad.  Sometimes I feel like I'm just sitting by watching my life go by and counting down the days until it's finally over and I can be free.  I laugh and smile but it's all fake.  At the end of the day I'm still alone and empty inside.  There's this huge pit inside me.  I don't know how to get to know people.  I don't know how to let people get close to me without running the other way.  I don't know how to move forward.  I don't want to be like this.  I want to be happy.

 

SomeoneOutThere SomeoneOutThere 36-40, M 19 Responses Jun 15, 2007

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Hey! This post was from almost 7 years ago, I saw the comments and I saw your replies and I remember about one of the questions I've made in here.
I ask if people who have suffered from severe depression are able to get rid of it.
Sometimes I think that after we "taste" depression, it's like a part of us, I mean, it seems to be a part of me for quite some time. I can't remember myself as a normal person, I've been sad for a such a long period of my life.

But I still think that it is possible to live good moments in your life. I'm going to put myself as an example, sometimes I complain about myself and the capability of not being happy that haunts me. What we have around us is a creation of a perfect world designed by media and people around us that what's not inserted in this is not considered normal.

People put happiness and relationships as perfect things, like movies that are happily ever after. So, I think that we, subconsciously try to find that happiness, if we don't find it, we start feeling miserable because our life is not good. It's like a vortex pulling us.

Even being depressed, I tend to think that happiness is based on little moments of our lives and those moments sometimes last 3 seconds or less, it's something temporary. It can happen some other times.

It just comes to my mind that we might be missing those moments of happiness looking for something stable. You may think that you might have not gotten better during those 7 years (if you feel this way), but you certainly have grown up more as an individual and this awful state that we live just puts our sensitivity out and this is something you have to give which is so important and many people don't have that.

Anyway, maybe all that I've said here was bullocks, because I have many thoughts and sometimes it's hard to put everything together...

But anyway, you say you want to be happy. You REALLY deserve to have happiness in your life, you deserve those moments.. and you know that they can happen alone or not.

I wish you the beeest, really! Mostly that you find yourself.

Ps.: Sorry for the long message.

Wow I can't believe it's almost 7 years since I wrote this. Yes, in many ways I still feel the same. But I've thought about it and some things have changed for me. I've done things that I haven't done since I wrote this, visited places I haven't visited since I wrote this. I can't say I feel the same but I feel like I'm sort of still in the same place. Thanks and you deserve happiness too, we all do. We have to take those fleeting moments when we get them and make the best out of them. I keep telling myself more happy moments will come. I don't know when I'll find myself but I keep looking lol

I feel the same way u do . its hard to live like this . feeling so empty is killing me slowly . i cant feel the people around me . maybe i'm just dead soul in living body !

I'm sorry to hear you feel like this too. I know you're not a dead soul, you're just disconnected. As long as your heart is beating there is hope. Don't give up. Someday the emptiness will go away.

I hope so . you too don't give up and i'm sure all this sadness and loneliness will fade away . best of luck :)

Hello
I read your post and I am exactly where you are or were (hopefully). I have been here for most of my life and have battled depression from when I had awareness. I rememeber being lonely and lost at the age of 10. Im 39 now. But the last past 2.5 years after being cruelly treated by a man and realising the one or two people in my life were no good for me, Im in a real slump and cant find a way out. On the surface I have so much but inside I am empty and I dont see any light at the end of the tunnel. Im so lost and dont know how to fill the void in my soul. Now I just isolate myself from the world, which I can do as I work on my own. I feel like I 'exist' and go through the motions of life but Im not really alive, not really living.
Thank you for your post.

It saddens me to read your comment, but in a strange (and probably selfish) way it helps to know I'm not alone. I've had my ups and downs since I first wrote that post. But I'm pretty much still stuck in that state. It's amazing how years pass by like months.

I really wish I could give you some good advice. All I can say is that I know what it's like. I know I'm the only one who can get me out of my slump, just as you are the only one who can get you out of yours. I just wish I knew how. Sure we can smile and tell ourselves we are happy. We can look at the sun in the sky instead of the rain. But does that really make us FEEL any brighter? If I knew how to fill the emptiness I'd tell you. Believe me I wish I knew. All I can say is the tried and true "you're not alone."

hello all...i m also feeling lost all the time and i havent even choosen my career just waiting until i find a nice job..few years ago i lost a lot of freinds ,but actually i dont think that i was wrong maybe i was right and they werent the good freinds..first time i felt that feeling i just traveled and runaway and in the second time also i also runaway but now i dont even have money and job to runaway and also i recongized is not good to runaway all the time.we have a life and we have to live it,but still i dont know,everytime i ound a job i just go there and start and then i quit after few hours,it happened for me like 15 times and still without solution..what i really think,it;s not only me that i feel this thing,most of people these day are feeling lonliness and lost ,life changes and time changes and we change..it's all about population and money this is what i think...

I'm still lost. I don't know how to be found. I wish I could say something of meaning but I can't.

dont worry about how to get to know others. once you stop looking for what youre looking for, it makes perfect sense and you know exactly what to do.

i feel the same way..i dont know why..i can connect with people easily but at the end i still feel that is not the thing i should do.i did it because i have to not because my heart say so.i dont even know where to begin..i stared at my laptop for about 15 minutes hoping for nothing..im feeling really lost and i start typing "i'm totally lost " in google and found this site..im about to cry to know that there is still someone feel the same with me.i thought i'm a weirdo for not understand my own self and feel totally lost..and yes,i had a wall made from granite!

Nightwish your comment made me re-read my story from 3 yars ago. I wish I could say I do feel better now but at the moment I don't. It saddens me to see how many comments were left by people feeling the same way, but in a sense is comforting to know that I'm not truly alone. <br />
<br />
How little my life has changed in three years. Weak-that's me for sure. A coward is more like it.

this is exactly how i feel right now... exactly... <br />
oh my... <br />
the wall... as far as im figuring it out, it takes a lot of courage more than anything.<br />
the first mistake most of end up doing is not accepting ourselves.<br />
i know this is my problem, but im so used to being this way that i don't want to change, even when i try im afraid of the new experiences that i have to face and i get back behind the wall.<br />
accept the fact that we are weak, accept the fact that we need to fight it... <br />
<br />
i see that this message was posted 3 years ago... i hope you are doing well now.

I felt like you stole these words right out of my mouth! Its really sad that we feel this way! Being trapped is one of the most horrible feelings of all. Not being able to find a way out is daunting. The only thing that keeps me going is knowing that this will be all over soon.

I feel the same way you do. A friend betrayed my trust in the past, and I got so angry at myself for being stupid and naive that I built a wall around myself to protect myself...or so I thought. I realized I was shutting myself away from people, I may be safe, but at the same time I'm crippling my emotional growth :( <br />
<br />
Thanks for sharing, it is comforting that there are others out there who share the same fears I do. I hope you'll find your way out of your shell soon :)

Oh I feel for you, I was in your position a few years ago. I have spent years working away from the situation with some degree of success.<br />
<br />
I had a nervous breakdown earlier this year and, although I still feel lost and alone, I only have to reach out to get help and love from my friends. It can be overcome to a large extent - it only needs effort and commitment.

I share this feeling of being unable to connect with someone and trust enough to develop a friendship. I think that we may have found a safe place to do just that. Maybe it will spill out eventually to your real life with practice.

i know how you feel. I thought that I knew lots of people that cared for me but I discovered that i was just alone when u are sad you are alone. Sometimes I just keep fighting and i dont know what it is. I have everything to look forward to and yet I feel empty, and I dont want to participate in anything thats happening around me. @ many people are out there feeling lost why

I get how you feel. I built my wall up about 5 years ago and have been chipping away ever since but I still don't know how to meet people and make that connection. This year is loads better than the last but there's still no one in my life who thinks of me as close to their centre. I try and try, trying not to try too hard but still making an effort, but I find that people don't seem to want to connect. Maybe I'm just trying with the wrong people! I suspect we share a common reason for joining this site... Keep working at it.

I agree...you have hit the depression spot..it's hard to feel this way when no one else does or understands why you do. You are among friends. Hey, at least you have a job...i can't find one. Hang in there. Josie

Thank you all for your comments and support. As much as I hate to see others feeling the way I do, it is at least comforting knowing that I'm not alone. I will hopefully be sharing more soon, as I slowly chip away at the bricks of my wall.

I feel what you're saying, but as Apix said it does seem you're on your way to being happy.

It's so hard. Why do so many of us feel this way? I'm glad you shared.

Hi! It's as if you read my mind. I know exactly what you mean. This is one way to knock down the wall-it was built over time and it's gonna take some time to move the bricks. I commend you for having the courage to put it out there. If I knew, I would certainly tell you. If it helps, you aren't alone and I can tell by reading your post you're well on your way.