Feeling Totally Lost and Alone
I don't really know where to begin. I'm here at this site for a reason. Part of me wants to stop feeling the way I feel but part of me is comfortable with the status quo. Change is hard. It's easier to sit back and feel sorry for myself instead of doing something about it. I am trapped behind a wall. A wall I built years ago to keep people out and protect myself. Now I'm trapped behind that wall and don't know how to get out.
I have no close friends or family and have battled depression in the past. I have a job but it's not a career. I don't even know what I want to do with my life and at my age I think that's pretty sad. Sometimes I feel like I'm just sitting by watching my life go by and counting down the days until it's finally over and I can be free. I laugh and smile but it's all fake. At the end of the day I'm still alone and empty inside. There's this huge pit inside me. I don't know how to get to know people. I don't know how to let people get close to me without running the other way. I don't know how to move forward. I don't want to be like this. I want to be happy.