Left Wanting

My username is exactly how I feel... Why am I always feeling like there should be more? It seems absurd that I feel lost and alone... I have an amazing family and some great friends but I feel like among them all I am not heard.  I am not seen.  Or I am seen in they way that they want to see me, they are not actually seeing me.  Of course, I don't know who they would see if they actually did see me.  I used to think I would do great things one day... that I had real potential. And here I am and my only great accomplishments are my husband and my daughter (not that I diminish those accomplishments in any way) but I always thought there would be more.  I always thought I would be super-mom, beloved by everyone, doing everything... and yet I am left wanting. 

I feel like a whirlwind of emotion leaving disappointment in my wake.  I don't always understand my emotions and think that most of them come from my be-littled self-worth.  Not many people in my life understand why I don't feel good about myself (especially my husband who has never known how it feels).  How can you talk to people who don't understand you or give you the generic response, "If you want to be happy, you can be."  That's where I feel alone... No one who understands how I feel. No one who really knows how to help me pull myself out of this self-loathing rut that I am trapped in.  I know that there is more than this to life... I am left wanting.

leftwanting leftwanting
22-25
2 Responses Mar 28, 2009

honey, please do not fear being unwanted. when you walk in a crowd or down a crammed street, those eyes you stare into of others...guess what?....about 80 percent of them agree. it is a natural notion as we were created to feel a loneliness, a longing for others so that we may help and cling to one another as a human race. don't forget, with the panicing society, economic times are in turmoil and tons of people are putting emotion on the back burner. it's not that your hubby doesn't understand, its that we get hormones even we don't understand...like you said, "i dont know why i am feeling this way." work hard during the week, cook something new, plant a garden, reward yourself on the weekend with a hammock, book and pedicure:) it's great believe me. once self worth grows naturally, invite friends into the picture for wine night, but only when you're ready hon:) take care...you have hope

Have you tried getting a job or some purpose in life outside of being a wife and mother? That would help. <br />
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For many years I was stuck at home with 2 kids. Once I got out into the "real" world, first studying then working, it was a real eye opener and I saw how much I'd been missing out on in life. I achieved things and experienced things I'd never been able to.