It Started When I Was 5
My journey started when I was 5. Most of the time I was always hanging out with what I thought was girl friends. It took a turn for the dark side when I was abused by a guy that told me that I was a girl. I even had a teen aged girl help me dress up for him. That's when he told me that I was a screwed up boy for thinking I was a girl. For several years afterward I hated the thoughts that I had about myself. I thought that I had finally suppressed those thoughts when I was 10.
When I was a 14, I moved to my Father's house. My Father and step Mother used me like I was a maid and babysitter for her boys. It was one day that I was doing the laundry that all the old feelings came rushing back. I found that she and I were close in clothes sizes. I started living my life as a woman. I felt motherly love for my boys and tried to care for them as any Mother would. The youngest one would even slip and call me Mom. I found a friend at school that accepted me for who I was. She and I would talk for hours like to normal teen-aged girls. I was in heaven. That was until one day my step Mother came home early and found me changing in the bathroom. All H*LL broke loose. I was sent back to my mother's place with the excuse that I was just too wild for them.
I hated myself and tried doing the macho thing for several years afterward. I joined the military, took up skydiving, played football, etc. I tried my best to extinguish all my feminine feelings. I even got married. I tried to show her who I was in the beginning but she squelched it REAL fast.
I tried being a good man for her but I lost the battle within myself when my daughter was born. I stayed at home to care for her. I also discovered that my wife and I wore the same sized lingerie. I started getting up in the mornings to send my SO off to work then start my day taking care of my house and my baby.
My neighbor, caught me one day out in the backyard. I was wearing shorts and a tank top. There was no mistaking what my undies were since my bra strap showed. It didn't seem to phase her and she invited me over for coffee. We talked about me and I found a friend in her.
Jump forward many years and I found the Internet. It answered many of the questions I had about me. One day my SO found me changing out of my bra and panties. It took took days of talking, yelling, accusations and crying till she told me that she could accept me. She even started helping me dress. I know it was a big step for her. She even started allowing me to use the HRT patches and pills that was prescribed for her. I stayed on the patches and pills for almost a year till I developed a blood clot in my leg. I had to tell the doctor what I was doing and after the stern lecture he advised me that I was one of thse people that could never go through the horomone treatments without problems.
So here I am today, I have learned to accept myself for who I am. Sorry about being so long winded but it felt good to get it out in the open.