It Started When I Was 5

My journey started when I was 5.  Most of the time I was always hanging out with what I thought was girl friends.  It took a turn for the dark side when I was abused by a guy that told me that I was a girl.  I even had a teen aged girl help me dress up for him.  That's when he told me that I was a screwed up boy for thinking I was a girl.  For several years afterward I hated the thoughts that I had about myself.  I thought that I had finally suppressed those thoughts when I was 10.

When I was a 14, I moved to my Father's house.  My Father and step Mother used me like I was a maid and babysitter for her boys.  It was one day that I was doing the laundry that all the old feelings came rushing back.  I found that she and I were close in clothes sizes.  I started living my life as a woman.  I felt motherly love for my boys and tried to care for them as any Mother would.  The youngest one would even slip and call me Mom.  I found a friend at school that accepted me for who I was.  She and I would talk for hours like to normal teen-aged girls.  I was in heaven.  That was until one day my step Mother came home early and found me changing in the bathroom.   All H*LL broke loose.  I was sent back to my mother's place with the excuse that I was just too wild for them.

I hated myself and tried doing the macho thing for several years afterward.  I joined the military, took up skydiving, played football, etc.  I tried my best to extinguish all my feminine feelings.  I even got married.  I tried to show her who I was in the beginning but she squelched it REAL fast. 

I tried being a good man for her but I lost the battle within myself when my daughter was born.  I stayed at home to care for her.  I also discovered that my  wife and I wore the same sized lingerie.  I started getting up in the mornings to send my SO off to work then start my day taking care of my house and my baby.

My neighbor, caught me one day out in the backyard.  I was wearing shorts and a tank top.  There was no mistaking what my undies were since my bra strap showed.  It didn't seem to phase her and she invited me over for coffee.  We talked about me and I found a friend in her.

Jump forward many years and I found the Internet.  It answered many of the questions I had about me.  One day my SO found me changing out of my bra and panties.  It took took days of talking, yelling, accusations and crying till she told me that she could accept me.  She even started helping me dress.  I know it was a big step for her.  She even started allowing me to use the HRT patches and pills that was prescribed for her.  I stayed on the patches and pills for almost a year till I developed a blood clot in my leg.  I had to tell the doctor what I was doing and after the stern lecture he advised me that I was one of thse people that could never go through the horomone treatments without problems.

So here I am today, I have learned to accept myself for who I am.  Sorry about being so long winded but it felt good to get it out in the open.


deleted deleted
11 Responses Dec 16, 2007

From what you say about your experiences, I would say your one hell of a man whether you feel that way or not.

Hello everyone,<br />
<br />
A major cable network is casting real-life individuals for its educational medical series. The series aims at shedding light on all sorts of sexual mysteries, conditions, and practices. It explores a range of topics from rare medical conditions to unique fetishes.<br />
<br />
We hope to feature an episode about a transgender individual going through a sex-change operation. We are currently seeking an individual who be willing to share their experience as part of the show. We know that this experience will be life changing. Through this show, we hope to highlight the difficult issues and joys that a person making this change will face. <br />
<br />
If you have an interesting story and would like to share it with television audiences, please contact us at

wow congrats on accepting yourself cuz that right there i think is the hardest part and most important kudos to you

I wonder if your doctor was actually as clued up as he let you think? Lots of doctors prefer to think they are infallible gods, than admit they don't have specialist knowledge; a gender expert may feel there are other options still available to you x

Its a great story, it show and tell everything. The first steps, the strong actions to denial, and the facts we can't change... and the most important, acceptance from your wife, and from yourself too. the denial can work for a few year long, but it can't hide the truth through a lifetime....

I also started when I was 5 or 6. I went through almost the same as ou did. I feel like you and I are soul mates. I am glad everything turned out for you. I hate you having to go through all that home transfering. Some one should have taken the time to try and find out if they could have helped you. Good luck in the future Rebecca

sorry to hear about the blood clot problem,but so happy about your so.thanks for sharing

Thanks for sharing this. It is great that you have come to accept who you are. 'ya no matter what.

this story was great thats just what i am doing butin the opp.way just like to dress in womens clothes and the wife dont care what i wear was a great story

That is a truly amazing story. I'm glad it had a happy ending for you.