Please Define Yourself!

In this delightfully diverse "community" (and I use the term loosely) that I have been an active part of for far longer than I'll ever admit, my participation is known for it's "all respect, no restraint" style of activism. In the perspective of some of my trans "siblings", the "method to my madness" has proved to be beneficial in the struggle for basic HUMAN (not just "trans") RIGHTS for ALL who are percieved as "non-conforming" to the binary gender standard.

With that said, I am about to put forth a position that certain people may find unpalatable, but I tend to "call 'em like I see 'em", so bear with me, before reacting (or responding) to what follows.

There seems to be a serious lack of enlightenment, not to mention consideration, shown by certain EP members who post only fetishistic images of hairy male posteriors (presumably their own?) clad in ill-fitting women's underwear as their profile photo, while CLAIMING to be "transgender".

Meanwhile, individuals who have actually committed themselves to the "journey" of transgender self-discovery that defines our lives must constantly explain and defend themselves from the distasteful comments and occasional advances of predatory, misanthropic "admirers" who believe that ANY male body in femme attire is "fair game" for prurient pursuit.

I frequently dodge the "outrageous slings and arrows" that accompany most M2F folks during (and sometimes after) transition. It's tedious at best. That's one reason why I have a presence on EP, as opposed to the legion of "chicks with dicks" sites, and all the other fetish sites as well.

This matter really should be addressed by ALL bone fide trans-folk here on EP.

Your thoughts?

tgcyndi tgcyndi
36-40, T
9 Responses Jul 31, 2010

All very well said ladies. I'm a CD and in the closet for the most part, though I have worn some around my wife, but not to the extent of coming out of the closet so to speak. I don't come out primarily of the pain it would cause my immediate family. Maybe I am a coward, in some sense yes. But I can't handle the thought of causing my parents any more anguish over one of their children and their sexuality. Having to be the 'normal' son of three boys has been tough to say the least! Sometimes you suffer your own pain to keep from inflicting more pain onto others which in turn can increase your own pain.

As long as it's YOUR thumb, I suppose it's all good. One never knows where another's hands have been, does one?

once again your big brain breaks it all down and there it is ... i would gladly put my name on any petition that asks for a Fetishist category i think it might help couldnt hurt Girl you are a first rate PUNSTER/metaphorist (?) i try to come up with stuff like that and my brain starts to smoke and sizzle and i fall asleep sucking my thumb

"Pervert" might be an overly harsh and unnecessarily perjorative term in this particular instance, but "fetishist" seems spot-on.<br />
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"FETISH - an ob<x>ject or bodily part whose real or fantasied presence is psychologically necessary for sexual gratification and that is an ob<x>ject of fixation to the extent that it may interfere with complete sexual ex<x>pression."<br />
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After all, being a bona-fide transgender individual (as opposed to a "transvestite", which is yet another semantic "can of worms" ) is not about WHAT one wears , it's about WHO one is.<br />
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My experience leads me to believe that it really comes down to one's level of commitment, kinda like a breakfast of ham and eggs.<br />
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The chicken was involved, but the pig was COMMITTED, if ya get my drift!

ever notice how whenever some politician/preacher gets caught in a bathroom or public place or hiring boytoys or it turns out hes a hard core republican dude or belongs to some family values organization .... and then their wives are there at the press conference looking like they are ready to die right there having to stand by the piece of crap they married i feel so bad for those ladies ...... yah lets have a fourth category for the perverts and ya know what i do trust you on this

Frankly, it's a matter of definition, as mentioned in the title. <br />
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I "judge" NO ONE, and the reason for that attitude of acceptance is based on experience.<br />
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With that said, I am also a stickler about accuracy of terms. <br />
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"Straight" (?) married guys who covertly get their rocks off in panties, and then shove them back in the closet in order to go on living their lives of (typically white) "male privilege" and openly denying equal rights to those of us a bit farther down the often perilous path of self-discovery (think: closeted gay politicians) really are WORSE than useless, to the "community" at large, their (usually) clueless families, and themselves, most of all.<br />
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Even if one has perused a whole library full of medical books, does the mere act of wearing surgical scrubs make them a doctor? <br />
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I'd argue NOT, then simply suggest that they go graduate from medical school, and THEN put the "MD" behind their signature.<br />
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There's nothing wrong with being a CD. We all started somewhere, right? <br />
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It's just that one should not go around claiming they are something (anything) when they have not done the due diligence required to properly assume the position, so to speak.<br />
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Being trans is NOT for "sissies"!<br />
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Trust me on this.

These are real and thorny issues you raise. I like to think that i am not judgmental and I try to live that way but we all have things we instinctively despise on sight and we when react with to those things we shouldnt judge ourselves too harshly for being judgmental. Its an involuntary reaction like breathing....Now clearly there are two camps of Tfolks on EP and you have already delineated this quite accurately. I dont feel comfortable challenging any one on their identity. I know what i felt as a child and what i felt was simple: I should have been a girl. Why am I not a girl? I would rather wear a dress than a pair of pants. No one can take this from me. Simple thoughts and I beleive me thinking those thoughts automatically qualifies me as part of the 'club" so to speak . This is before i heard any of this talk about Transgender, Drag Queen, GID, Fetish etc.. Now once those thoughts have occured any number of things could happen and people once having thought the fatal thought "I want to be a girl" will react differently and go down different paths . You might wind up going down a warped sexual path that lands you on Fetish Street, seeking feverish net sex encounters and what have you but that doesnt mean your identity as a T is automatically invalid because you engage in funky behavior. I would fight anyone who challenged my identity so I dont feel good about challenging theirs. Even if my reaction is one of automatic revulsion. Lawdy the world is a hard place on ANYONE who swims against the current and the pressure of that could really kick a persons *** and cause them to make mistakes bad decisions etc. And then too I dont consider everyone who feels like they were born the wrong sex has to get surgery or be out of the closet with it or theyre some kinda sellout or are somehow not "real". And i am not a fan of orthodoxy just on GP. HOWEVER you raise a point which demands consideration: When you strut around here stressing nastiness instead of femininity or the more serious issues that come with this whole thing you wind up giving the outside world a poor impression of this whole issue, like were all just a buncha perverts who wanna wear panties and not women trapped in mens bodies at all. It kinda makes us all look like that when some of the behaviors you outlined are so prevelant in such a public way it certainly demeans us all. There is a solid ring of truth in your complaints about some these people and their nasty exhibitionist pictures. Yet I dont wanna exclude anyone form the "club" cause i dont know what happened to them when they were 6 years old what thoughts they thought maybe they felf what i felt i dunno. I HAVE A SUGGESTION. In order to distinguish between the people who really feel like they are women and those that like wearing panties and playing like women as a way of busting a nut there should be fourth choice another letter (P for pervert maybe hahah) another choice to indicate to folks that you are here for kinky fetishistic reasons. Maybe we could lobby EP with this fourth choice and with it maybe an explanation at the screen where you make the choice to mark your gender to divert these folks into that catergory. This might uplift and protect our identity from the harsh judgment of the community at large and ourselves. The other suggestion i have is this and I do this: When people come at me from that direction at first i used to get mad nasty sarcastic. Now i try to talk to them and find whats really goin on... and if i find that they have had those magic thoughts ( I wish i was born a woman) which i think qualifies them into a category that includes me then its time to try and raise them up and teach them about self respect. Because i beleive there are legit T people out thar doing this exhibitionistic stuff. Hell ive done stuff like this on and offline and I want for NO ONE to be left behind especially cause theyve acted out sexually. Some of us are leaders (looking across the room right at TGCyndi) in this here EP Trans community, outside of it too - role models with a LOT to offer. You know who you are. Lead us then but with compassion and understanding. I know youve been doing this already . Just dont let it make you salty and harsh lest some poor sister get left behind... Jocelyn S Johnson

"BD";<br />
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I really do appreciate your perspective from "outside the bubble" so to speak'. <br />
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In my years as a trans-activist, I've long maintained the position that the very BEST and most effective allies in the struggle for equality come from outside our so-called "community". Your most welcome endorsement serves to confirm that belief. <br />
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The argument could well be made that I stand within sort of a "glass house" myself as an amatuer (as in: I don't get paid) Trans Domme (I look FAB in my leathers!), as that is considered (by some?) to fit the strict definition of "fetish). To that point, I make NO judgement, per se, concerning one's private (keyword) prurient interests.<br />
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The thing is, unless one is actually in the "sex trade", the ONLY reason I can conjour for posting these unattractive, unappealing, and clearly unflattering photos is sheer exhibitionism. <br />
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Isn't that what the pathetically cliched "flasher in the trenchcoat" was known for?<br />
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Once again, no judgement here. If that's what "floats yer boat", GO FOR IT! <br />
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However, ask yourself this: is Experience Project, supposedly an "intellectual" website presumably designed for intelligent (?) people of ALL ages, REALLY the most appropriate and/or satisfying venue for such behavior?<br />
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With the plethora of "adult-oriented" sites out there, I would argue NOT.<br />
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Wouldn't one be better served at www.pantiefever.com, or www.ilovesissyboys.com, or www.satinsissies.com, or for the folks who are so closeted they won't show a face - www.secretsissy.net? Those are just a few examples of the hundreds (literally) of FREE websites that unashamedly (?) welcome and indeed rely on attracting male members (no pun intended?) with an acute ladies underwear fetish.<br />
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With those alternatives readily available, why would one waste their time at an all-ages, general interest website like EP?<br />
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Seriously, all the pantyboy sissies should rock on with their pantied selves, and by all means follow their own path at their own pace. More power to ya, folks. <br />
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Just PLEASE, don't go around misrepresenting yourself as "transgender", because being a REAL trans-person is infinitely more complicated than simply getting turned on by wearing the attire of the opposite gender. <br />
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TRUST ME ON THIS!<br />
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I have counselled MANY "newbies" over the years, and in my experience, most trans-woman (including myself) began their journey of self-discovery as casual cross-dressers, so I really DO "get it". <br />
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However, as one "evolves", one hopefully figures out what the "real deal" is with themselves before it's too late to do anything about it. <br />
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I certainly don't have all the answers, and I know there are NO "one size fits all" solutions to the very complex circumstances that accompany the very real condition currently known as "Gender Identity Dysphoria"" (GID), but I have learned a few things during my two decades "out and about".<br />
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With that said, I am always amenable to the questions of others. Just ask, off-list if necessary. <br />
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In the meantime, is it really too much to ask that one displays a modicum of maturity and enlightenment (not to mention self-respect) in the selection of their public profile pics?<br />
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Melissa;<br />
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You raise some good points as well, and I believe we should take this off-list for further discussion. Your thoughts?

Personally I think you've helped the struggle for human rights period.<br />
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Yes, I've run across the hairy butt in bikini people. If they are transgender, it's sad, but I think it's more likely fettishists like you said and they don't realize or care what it does to anybody. I know a person like this in real life. They say it's an 'addiction". I'm not sure how I feel about that assessment.<br />
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I'm not trans, but thought I'd show some support.