Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

Whose In The Closet Now?

t's been no secret around here in Cyrsti's Condo about who is occupying which closet.
Actually, for the past year my guy self has been spending mega time in that closet.
Interestingly enough for one reason or another (mostly utility and convenience) he has been brought out-dusted off and put into service.
Guess what. I don't like it. I like why I did it but the experience reset my internal gender compass. (to the female side)
I'm going to reference CD Janie's Blog for a second. If you are not familiar, she presents a very feminine image but struggles on occasion about which side of the gender spectrum she will end up.
In fact on occasion, she attempts to live an extended male existence to test her will.
In my own small unintentioned way, I did the same thing.
Yes I know to some of you that makes me an un pure transgender person but to others of you who struggle with the same problems-you will understand.
Even I have felt I was selling out until I felt how much I wanted to put him back in the closet.
Excuse me while I go open the door for him.
cyrsti cyrsti 61-65, T 1 Response Jun 18, 2012

Your Response

Cancel

Cyrsti, I know where you are coming from. We have lots of reasons why that closet is still there. Some reasons familial. Some are professional. By nature I am not a selfish person. I sometimes wrongly look at coming out as a very selfish thing. In reality, coming out is far from selfish. From what I can tell (from other people) is that everything comes together. I spend my days in constant turmoil. My brain is constantly racing. I never complete a thought. I am discombobulated. I have been treated for add. No dice. I would give almost anything. To not have the confusion. So the choice becomes harder. I have lived so long keeping Brenda in the closet. About the only time she gets fully let out is at Halloween. Oh, parts of her get let put, women's shoes here, Liz Claiborne slacks there. Maybe her attitude comes out in the cooking and cleaning. She is the nurturing part of me that takes care of my niece. She strokes my 14yr olds hair affectionately while we wait in line at a theme park. One thing that my therapist said is that eventually she will have her day. One day she will have enough and there will be no stooping her. I am already preparing for that day. I am starting to read different books on how to ready and what to expect. I am looking at taking a position in a customer service center for a large corporation. The large corporation has a transgender friendly environment, plus their insurance will pay for hormones and srs surgery. I am slowly getting my family involved with a therapist. Even though I am agnostic I am getting my family involved with a church that has several gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender members. I have set a date; and if I am not by then, I will be

Sounds like you are doing everything the "right" way and have a lot to be proud of! Your therapist is right!
You may enjoy my next post which is called "Trans-Wreck" which I will be reposting from my main blog here tomorrow.