Two Spirit's Tale

I've avoided sharing my story for fear of sounding like a cliche. We MTF's are all too similar, struggling to be regular guys so long, crossdressing with confused but kind wives, often breaking out of marriages that were wrong to find ourselves alone and far from our goals. Blah, blah, blah....BUT I can add that it was Spirit that led me, all along, to honor my nature. Changing Woman came to me in a dream, in several dreams, affirming my feminine self. My meditation practice also led me to understand that, beyond the coping mechanisms and fears I am, at core, much more female than male. But I also realized that simply delving into a female identity would be as fetishistic and unreal as my early crossdressing. I've craved truth all along, and find myself now living as a man but sometimes going out as a woman. Every day is hard because of this, but it's mostly true. I like my hormone-altered body, but doubt at my age anyone else would appreciate it. Answering ads I find that many men who like T-women are married. I just can't go there. I value my sisters too much for that. If I had the funds to get facial surgery and electro, would I do so and move on? Probably, but I'd be living as a woman with a male self attached instead of the reverse. I know I'm both, and it is so hard to be true to this experience. Sometimes I feel special, but mostly it's hard. Mostly I feel like a fake, a lonely fake. There. Cliche.
brightlittleheart brightlittleheart
51-55, T
2 Responses Nov 26, 2012

I've done some research myself on two spirit people. Its refreshing to hear someone else talk about it. Would love to be friends.

I can certainly relate to your feelings. But this late in life after raising two boys and a 2nd wife I have resigned myself to just crossdressing.

If I were a teen today. I believe I would come out and transition...Angie..

Yep! Same here. To late in life for the first class seat......have to be satisfied traveling in coach. Still a pretty good trip though. If we could start over with the knowledge we have now, I think everyone would do things a little different.