To Be Complete

Iv battled for the past 4 or so years to get to where I need to be and things where going well until I moved and my local gp and the primary care trust told me they cant prescribe testosterone blockers, my old gp in my old town had no issues prescribing.

Low testosterone levels mellow me out, I don't feel like fighting everything anymore and I don't have a issue with morning wood which rocks.

Body hair is still an issue but it's becoming less, facial hair is at an all time low and I do not have to shave often, as a woman you don't want that at all to have a beard.

I really had enough of the health system and the fighting and the waiting, most places make you wait a year for surgery and well by the time I have surgery I will be in my 30's if I wait for the health system and I would end up with penile inversion.

I thought long about what I need to do and with help I might be going to Thailand for surgery this year "I hope and prey"

It's a real struggle to process it all because you got to focus on organising things, gathering paperwork, filling out forms, telling parents of your plans" I think they will freak out that I plan on going away for a 5 hour+ op"

At the same time iv got to focus and really process all of this.

It feels like its happening fast and in the blink of an eye, time passes and I may be sat there in the hospital the night before surgery, I think I will be ok but ya know it's a scary thing. Not knowing if you will awake or not or if you will be in lots of pain or not knowing if you will survive.

I used to be strong, not sure if I am any more,
I faced death, iv faced a lot of pain and I prayed to god last time I was operated on and I woke up, that was the best feeling ever, opening your eyes and seeing that your still alive.

It's a lot to take on board but all you can do is try your best to cope.

From day one I said I will do what it takes to get though and be myself, even if that means losing everything.

It's very heavy and real and I need to process it all in time. 
Before I know it I might be on a flight which will be the longest flight and journey of my life, the most important one, I am glad my friend will be there. I don't think I could do it alone.
sarahbethuk sarahbethuk
26-30, F
2 Responses Jan 19, 2013

It is most important that you don't do it alone and that you chose a reputable surgeon in Thailand. While not cheap, I'm sure you'll end up with a much better job than the UK system provides. I have many friends who've been to there (as it is the closest and really only choice) and they can't speak highly enough of the doctors and staff. Also, you'll end up with an anatomically correct position as many no longer offer the penile inversion technique. I suggest you do your research and seek others who have been to Thailand to find a recommended surgeon.

Big stuff! It is good that you have a friend to go with you. It needs to be your choice though so you are right to take time to think it through. I don't know the details and, sorry, I'd really rather not. I do know that there are support groups and hope they can help you make an informed choice.
Good Luck - whatever you do!