A Pre-op Transgender Person

Pre-Op ... meaning I have not had the surgery to change my male body to female.

That is planned and in the works but I've not embarked fully on the change yet. For others they are in the process which takes time and money. Some follow this path and surgically change themselves, while others do not.

Why? For me a need driven from deep inside myself to be whole, unbroken and complete. To finally be comfortable, at ease and relaxed with the me that I am ... and not be seen through some kind of glasses because of my outward appearance.

This is me, the way I am, my thoughts that I have and my need need to be fulfilled.

While I'm on my journey I've heard many things, directed to me specifically (though not often) and to others who are in the same 'condition' as me.

Here's a list of things I don't need said to me or asked of me:

10- Are You Gay?            No! There is a world of difference, which evidently you can not understand. I like man as a woman likes a man and see them in the same light. I'm not a man looking for a man. Confused, just leave it there.

[Added clarification from a question I received. I look at certain traits in a man and find them appealing and worthy of more attention and getting to know. A man who exhibits a purpose shows he has his own will and can make decisions. I see that he is healthy and strong by his physique. See if he has a protective nature of not. I look to see if he reflects confidence as it shows his mental make up and if he can withstand trying situations. I see his body language, its positive and negativeness.  I look at his demeanor, is it real (his own self) or is it fake. I look to see if he cares about people and things, is he sensitive. Whether or not he has some degree of humor and intelligence.]

9- Sir, he, Mr, or your male name.          Whatever right now. I will answer to Ms., Miss or Ma'am too and at times I really actually prefer it. A big smile brightens my face whenever it happens.

8- Why? (As in why do you dress like a woman.)    Because it makes me feel natural, complete, whole. Allows me to be me, almost all the way.

7- You need to cut your hair.     Don't even go there!

6- It's a sin against God.        No, my Lord knows me. Psalm 86 always reminds me of the beauty and wonder that is God.

5- Think of what the Kids will have to go through.     Hopefully, as they are adults (or near to 21), they'll think of what I am going through and have gone through.

4- Your embarrassing yourself.     Pffft!!! You didn't really say that. Your glasses or something must be cloudy.

3- Your killing your father.    He's been out of my life since I was in Grade School, not a part of the consideration. He never cared and has said as much.

2- Your being selfish.    No, actually I am being me ... finally. Slowly and inexorably moving to being really truly me.

1- You men, you're all alike.   You definitely can't see the forest for the trees. Me like them, a somewhat disgusting analogy that makes me cringe. Men, a necessary evil for me maybe.


So now you know a little more about me and my feelings on this subject. I have strong feeling and opinions on many subjects ... this is but one.



portion of Psalm 86:

Teach me your way, O Lord,
and I will walk in your truth;
give me an undivided heart,
that I may fear your name.
I will glorify your name forever.
For great is your love toward me;
you have delivered me from the depths of the grave.






Josie06 Josie06
56-60, F
20 Responses Nov 18, 2008

I feel for you, money problems. If in a country with out a heath care its expensive. At least it's on the NHS now. (when its not being shi- no, another time...) :) Good Luck( or late good luck)

i'm the same 100%
wish i have money to change my body.... **** life so cruel
why me

Hi, I just read some of your posts, You're a wonderful woman. I hope you get the operation or if you didn't that you're able to be comfortable . I myself has a man for a fiance, but I'm pansexual. That means I'm attracted to the heart of the person. I hope you kids realize how difficult this must be for you and love you no matter what. Please email me ok. God bless, Hug hug

Josie,<br />
<br />
I am interested in your continuing story. I believe that you articulate clearly what so many tg's experience, especially those who discover their true identity at a later age. I am continue to wonder how your wife and children are responding to your plans. I hope that all goes well for you.

Sad when people have no idea and show their ignorance.

Yes there are people in this world who cannot see or accept people as who they are ... but rather only as they believe they should be.<br />
<br />
It is much like a Christmas or a birthday present ... it is only the outer wrapping, the 'pretty' paper, that matters and not what is inside.<br />
<br />
<br />
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<br />
Where does it end...do we start to provide child molesters with small children..that is a disorder...sex offenders with women that society feels useless..that is a disorder..what about your wife do you not think this is devastating to her...yes self absorbed is what you are...

Where does it end...do we start to provide child molesters with small children..that is a disorder...sex offenders with women that society feels useless..that is a disorder..what about your wife do you not think this is devastating to her...yes self absorbed is what you are...

love the post<br />
<br />
and i know how hard it is forothers to live with the wrong body<br />
<br />
my wife was both but neather and doctor told mother to raise her as a boy but she never fit in,<br />
we became friend and with in a year i as told the truth and she went to summer school and high school as the gril she was<br />
<br />
funniest thing was seeing boy boys that use to beat her up as a boy trying to get her to dance with them and she would just shine them on and dance with other<br />
<br />
one bully touched her at a dance one time and she dealt with it very well

Josie, this is just so true you hit the nail squarely on its head with this one. We all have at least one person you just enjoys being disrespectful of us and goes around telling others lies about us, I know I have and I have even over heard the person talking on the phone several times telling lies about me. Keep your chin up and keep reminding yourself that you are a woman no matter what anyone else says. Liza

Very interesting and informative. This is exactly why I want to make my next book all about the various T-girl experiences and show who these people are (Not actual names) and why they each are that way. A category within my book for each experience and the many people who share that life-style. You would be great as one of the people in it. Not a novel, like New Life, but a book of life stories.<br />
<br />

Josie,<br />
<br />
Since you appear to be a "late onset" transsexual (you are between 56-60 years old) , I am curious about where you currently are in the transition process. How have things worked out with your wife and children? Have you moved closer to living as a woman, and if so, in what ways?<br />
<br />
I look forward to hearing more of your story.<br />
<br />

Good on you, I hope your operation goes well for you. Another day gone is another day closer to you becoming yourself as a whole person.

Ma'am, thank you for an inspiring story!<br />
So well put together and all so true!<br />
Hold your head high and be the WOMAN you want to be!

Josie...nicely put. I am one of those that has thought it all out, tried to explain and find now I just AM. No explanations but I love reading the words of those like yourself that illuminate a certain aspect for others. You do us all a service. Thank you.

Josie, your beauty shines....light the way for others.

Interesting story. I can't believe people actually ask you those questions. :/ (I mean, I believe it - people are jackasses. But still.)

Grits is right. People do fear things that they don't understand, and everyone reacts differently to that fear.<br />
<br />
As I told you before, I grew up with a girl who later became a man. I haven't seen him since I was a teenager, but if I ran into him, I would give him a big hug and tell him I am glad that he is happy.

i know it is hard for you. just remember that much of what you are getting from people like you've described is their fear and not understanding. be your sweet self and let them get to know the wonderful gentle woman inside of you. once they get to know her they will not see the outside.

Hi, sister. I'm sorry people give you such grief for being yourself, I really am. Some of them are well meaning, I'm sure, and others are probably just aszholes! Do what you need to do for yourself... you are NOT hurting anyone else when you do this... but if you do NOT follow this path, if you are NOT true to yourself, then you WILL be hurting someone... YOU. So feel my arms around you when I give you this hug, and this kiss, and when I whisper in your ear, 'welcome to the sorority!'

Josie - thank you for sharing this. I don't think that people fully understand how transgendered people feel.<br />
<br />
I also believe with Kay - you are a beautiful person (from what I can tell) and I love reading your posts! <br />
<br />
I think everyone has the right to be happy, and it must be as confusing as hell to know that you are trapped in the wrong body. [[Hugs]]