A Pre-op Transgender Person
Pre-Op ... meaning I have not had the surgery to change my male body to female.
That is planned and in the works but I've not embarked fully on the change yet. For others they are in the process which takes time and money. Some follow this path and surgically change themselves, while others do not.
Why? For me a need driven from deep inside myself to be whole, unbroken and complete. To finally be comfortable, at ease and relaxed with the me that I am ... and not be seen through some kind of glasses because of my outward appearance.
This is me, the way I am, my thoughts that I have and my need need to be fulfilled.
While I'm on my journey I've heard many things, directed to me specifically (though not often) and to others who are in the same 'condition' as me.
Here's a list of things I don't need said to me or asked of me:
10- Are You Gay? No! There is a world of difference, which evidently you can not understand. I like man as a woman likes a man and see them in the same light. I'm not a man looking for a man. Confused, just leave it there.
[Added clarification from a question I received. I look at certain traits in a man and find them appealing and worthy of more attention and getting to know. A man who exhibits a purpose shows he has his own will and can make decisions. I see that he is healthy and strong by his physique. See if he has a protective nature of not. I look to see if he reflects confidence as it shows his mental make up and if he can withstand trying situations. I see his body language, its positive and negativeness. I look at his demeanor, is it real (his own self) or is it fake. I look to see if he cares about people and things, is he sensitive. Whether or not he has some degree of humor and intelligence.]
9- Sir, he, Mr, or your male name. Whatever right now. I will answer to Ms., Miss or Ma'am too and at times I really actually prefer it. A big smile brightens my face whenever it happens.
8- Why? (As in why do you dress like a woman.) Because it makes me feel natural, complete, whole. Allows me to be me, almost all the way.
7- You need to cut your hair. Don't even go there!
6- It's a sin against God. No, my Lord knows me. Psalm 86 always reminds me of the beauty and wonder that is God.
5- Think of what the Kids will have to go through. Hopefully, as they are adults (or near to 21), they'll think of what I am going through and have gone through.
4- Your embarrassing yourself. Pffft!!! You didn't really say that. Your glasses or something must be cloudy.
3- Your killing your father. He's been out of my life since I was in Grade School, not a part of the consideration. He never cared and has said as much.
2- Your being selfish. No, actually I am being me ... finally. Slowly and inexorably moving to being really truly me.
1- You men, you're all alike. You definitely can't see the forest for the trees. Me like them, a somewhat disgusting analogy that makes me cringe. Men, a necessary evil for me maybe.
So now you know a little more about me and my feelings on this subject. I have strong feeling and opinions on many subjects ... this is but one.
portion of Psalm 86:
Teach me your way, O Lord,
and I will walk in your truth;
give me an undivided heart,
that I may fear your name.
I will glorify your name forever.
For great is your love toward me;
you have delivered me from the depths of the grave.