I Am A Woman

I am a woman but precious few people know.

I don't look like a woman. My life choices make that hard to show right now. In time, it will probably change. The day will probably come when I can take some of the corrective action that needs to be done to fix the birth defect.

I would make the changes now, but, I allowed my life to become tangled before I resolved and accepted that I was a woman. I always was, I just didn't accept it. If you don't accept it, you can hide it and then no one will ever know. Don't be confused here though, I didn't make a choice to be a woman, I just always was one.

One day it happened that I broke and from then on I knew accepted it. It happened a bit over a year ago now.

What's changed? Not much, a lot. I am now my wifes girl friend. She doesn't get it all the time. It's hard for her but she is trying.

It's tangled and I can't just do any old thing. Well, I could, but then I would lose her. I'm not willing to do that if she is trying and she is.

Someday, I would like the freedom to live openly as the woman I am, at least some of the time. I would like friends and family to know. Some already do.

I just want to be me...like everyone else
Kris99 Kris99
41-45, F
24 Responses Aug 2, 2010

Kris, I found you because I was following up on your story about Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwiches. I was sorry for you because your middle child is allergic to peanuts. That, however, seems light weight compared to your other concern. I wish you well, there seem to be a number of people here with a physiological sex that doesn't match their psychological sex. I never realized this was such a wide ranging problem. I appreciate that you've written about it and I'm really glad you have the support of your wife. I wish you well, Kris, for all the things you need to change in the future.

you win perfect woman ,,kiisses all over

Wish you all the best.<br />
<br />
Big Hugs, Missy

I have moved slowly, 54 years as a man now open to myself and my wife. I have been self administering HRT the past 4 months from overseas pharmacies. I'm on the right track now have sessions set up and will have my letter in a few short months. The Vicki in me is a very dominant force today stronger then yesterday and awaiting tomorrow. I work in a high tech macho environment that will be interesting to deal with in a year or so from now. My wife talked to me about a laser treatment place she uses that will I will certainly be making use of. As each day unfolds I have been making entries to have a path for maybe 1 to follow who is transitioning mid life. <br />
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Luv Vicki

I hope things go well for everyone on here...just wish things would go quicker for me ..it only took 40 odd years to come to terms with it then do something about it..

The sooner you start the better. People will hate you for who you are. Some of your family and friends won't accept you.<br />
but the way I see it is it's a way to basically see who truly cares about you.<br />
a true friend will try to understand and be there for you because they'll want you to be happy.<br />
Man or woman you'll still be their friend and that's what matters. <br />
<br />
The more you wait, the more you're regret. It might be a want right now, but as time goes by it's going to become more and more of an actual need.<br />
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I'm not trying to convince you to do anything, but you should consider starting. You don't have to jump into living like a woman or anything, but seeing a gender specialist could help you. You'll have to see one anyways if you ever were to transition so it's a good starting point because you wouldn't have to tell anyone. You could even get to the point where the therapist would write you a letter of recommendation for HRT. It isn't like you'd have to start right then, but the option would be there which might help in a decision.<br />
<br />
you just don't want to keep living in a way you might regret. :[

Good luck honey! <br />
<br />
Like you, I am unable to fully express myself yet, but some day...

Kriss, So you didn't choose to be a woman, but you are one. I'm assuming you are genetically male. Does your wife identify as a lesbian? Do you ever hope to have the operation? I guess I need to see if you have written some other stories! Hugs to you and my prayers too, D ;-)

She wrote a great story on Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwiches and I was just checking to see who wrote it and found this. Like you, I feel for her but I'm glad she has the support of her wife. I hope she will always have the support of her three children, too. Even the middle child who is allergic to peanuts.

I have know all my life i was a woman. Because of family (all hard core biker types) I hade to hide this. i try very hard to be a man. What that got me was 5 years in prison and alot of burnt briges. I finaly married 8 years ago. In that time I tried even harder to be a man, I failed totaly.Damn near lost my wife. I was a complete *******. Four months ago I came clean with her, to my serprize she already know. The last for month have been the best of our marrage. Not having to hide has taking so much stress. I started online conseling and will start HRT in just a few months. There is some stress being your self at home but no place else, but that is easier to deal with. there are many web sites that help alot. the best one i think is laurasplaygournd. Its really great. Learn who you really are and let her out in desition making. Let the woman you are come to the surface in lovemaking. That alone really helped my marrage. It is a lond and hard road but well worth it. Best o0f luck.

Thanks Sugar. I am lucky to have your support!<br />
<br />

I'm so proud of you, and consider myself blessed to count you as a friend. ;-D<br />
<br />
Big hugs and lots of love!

Thanks hun!

I'm glad you're not rushing anything. Too many people want everything now and it ends up badly in most cases...<br />
We drag everyone that cares about us along the ride with us and it's only fair to try to understand what they are going through and understand their pace too.<br />
Before you know it you'll be living your true/life. Good luck and hugs for you and your wife. Your both amazing!

Thanks for the hugs.<br />
<br />
Sorry you are having such a tough time.

thanks for sharing your story, Kris. it took me over a year to accept my partner's transition but i believe my sweetie was worth it. my partner has rushed into her transition and she's feeling that now that she has to move out on her own. i will continue to support her as a friend and i know in my heart i hope to be with her again someday, but this is not what she wants right now and she's unable to give me what i need. <br />
<br />
i'm trying to be the bigger woman here and step back and allow her that freedom to get to know who she is and what she really wants. i wished that she had have wanted our relationship as much as i did but i realise now that she wasn't able to. i hope in time your wife can accept your changing relationship and cherish the fact that you still want her as your partner. <br />
<br />
big ((hugs)) back for your other message on my story earlier too, thanks again for such kind words.

*big hugs back LMN* You rock!!

*big hugs*

I have moved slowly. 35 years to accept myself.

A wise post-op trans-woman of my acquaintance many years ago cautioned me to move slowly on my journey of self-discovery, as "being a tranny is definitely NOT for sissies". This advice has served me well.

Josie, I'm well on my way. In my home I can be myself for the most part. I am not allowed hormones and my wife made it abundantly clear we wouldn't revisit that for a bit. <br />
<br />
We played clue many times over the weekend as the kids "rediscovered" it.<br />
<br />
I have voices and attitudes for each of the ladies and some of them men. I spent much of the weekend pretending to be Mrs. Peacock. Patricia Peacock....a very haughty and wealthy woman of class. It was quite fun.<br />
<br />
Sara,<br />
<br />
Thanks! *hugs* <br />
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<br />
I'm filling in my top experiences with stories...or at least it's a plan. They aren't the top for no reason!


I understand. You can be there in small but very satisfactory ways. First, know yourself in your mind and heart. Then, allow your self little ways to see it visibly in yourself (shaved legs, soft skin, soft voice, etc). Nothing big or drastic sooner than you want.<br />
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You are a woman, let you 'inner' woman rule your daily life in decision making, etc.<br />
<br />
Get to where you want to be ... one small step at a time.

Thanks Paddy,<br />
<br />
We are all a blend. When I was really denying myself my blend was probably 40%/60%...now it's probably 70%/30%. You are right though. Our former self, how we were raised, etc all factor in.

Kriss, I have learned much from you and the others who have been dealing with this, it is more common than I thought. I don't think anyone can feel of be completely "Normal" for one thing there is no such thing. I have learned that we are much more complex and that certain passions or desires power our inner selves. We are a blend of both genders---many will take issue I know--but it is more true than not, it is some just refuse to reconise it or deny it but it is there. Others go overboard in denying to such a point, they beome self absorbed and can't relate to anything that isn't in their rigid confines. Yes, society and family contribute as well. I read the "Studies" and all on this and have concluded, like skin tone, color of eyes, physical build, and so on we are all different---So What!---coming to grips with this as well defines you. I am not a judge and will not do such, each of us is unique and we all have the right to exist if others can't accept, its their problem and who are they to define it all anyway? Good luck unto you and Blessings.