Undeniable

I have know since I was about five years old that I was a girl ... regardless of having a male body. I always have identified with girls and women, I cry at movies and stories and love seeing beautiful dresses and skirts knowing I could be wearing them (among many things). I even think like a woman ... to the chagrin of my family who comments about it a lot.

I love the dresses, nylons and high heels that make women beautiful. Wearing them I feel relaxed, at ease, comfortable with myself and totally at home. I am a transsexual ... having lived the lie for so many years I do not know if I'll ever truly be able to be myself.

This side of me my family knows nothing about.

 

As a child I remember:

 

Josie06 Josie06
56-60, F
5 Responses Nov 27, 2006

Just be yourself I’ve started to accept myself and it so wonderful!

Even though I do not feel the pull to dress like a woman or to BE a woman, I do share in much of what you say. I cry at movies regularly (to my embarrassment), I appreciate the beauty of art and nature much more than a typical man, and I have very little interest in sports... I prefer figure skating and gymnastics to ba<x>seball, basketball or football. To use the cliche, I like to think that I am much more in touch with my feminine side than most men are.<br />
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If your family doesn't accept you for who you are, then it is THEY who are in the wrong! If they truly love you, they will come around and learn to accept you! And if they don't... well, there's really nothing you can do about that kind of prejudice.<br />
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Good luck!

It's, NEVER too late to be true to yourself. It can be hard, but never too late. <br />
At one of my first doctors visits regarding my hormone treatment. I met a Trans-woman who finally decided to be her true self for the first time at 74...she shared with me the same thing every other trans person has shared with me. That she was happier than ever and glad she decided to finally be her true self.

We can only be ourselves by being true to ourselves, it is those who love unconditionally who will be able to see through the clothes, to your soul.

I know the feelings. i have experienced just this and as you from a very early age. I knew as early as I can remember that the boy everyone demanded I was and based solely on that piece of skin between my legs I was not and never wanted to be. My childhood was filled with abuse, verbal, physical, mental and sexual all because I knew who I was, a girl, and everyone saw different. I finally decided to hide after being raped twice while in the Navy. It occurred after my gender feelings were discovered.<br />
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Many years went by with little escapes outside that shell of deception I created out of fear and shame. Finally in 90 my whole deceptive life crashed in a heap around me. 11 years of deep depression and 14 suicide attempts found me alone. My wife tossed me out and divorced me, my kids no longer respected me, I lost everything.<br />
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One night I was ready to quit once again...Thinking I finally realized the reason for my depression, my life and I was a lie. I had given in to the demands of others because I was ashamed of myself and fearful of whet might happen if I was true to myself.<br />
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I never was a boy and my mind, heart and soul knew it. I never wanted to be a boy but I tried and I failed because I never was one.<br />
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It was that night that I finally accepted who and what I was, a woman. I walked out my door the next morning as the woman I had always been. Now almost five years later I am happier than I've ever been in my life. I live full time a the woman I am. This past July 31st I finally had sexual reassignment surgery. I am at long last at peace within my body as well as the world around me.<br />
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I have lost connection with my kids, all adults. I have lost friends and have a younger sister who will speak with me but does not want to see me. Was it worth it, yes. I am saddened by these losses. It hurts. But I finally realized it was only my acceptance that counted, no one else's. They don't live in my skin, I do and thats all that counts.<br />
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Is this a decision as so many un-accepting people claim? No it is survival, being true to myself and being who I am.<br />
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Michelle Marie