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Three Score And Ten!

You think the title of the story is strange, well, so has my life. My title references a verse in the Bible where God promises three score and ten years of life (70 years). Well, I passed that by a couple of years. My early life was consumed by confusion, fear, why and any other adjective that you might want to use.

Probably like many of you I wondered why I was the only boy that wanted to be a girl and do girly things. My parents would not understand my problem so I never chose to share it with them. I feel they would have tried to whip it out of me. In defense of them, they were simple people and things of that nature would have been completely foreign to them. So I kept my mouth shut and suffered.

I was young enough in the late 1940's that I didn't know how to find out any thing about my "condition", probably nothing existed outside an occasional medical text book or a publication such as that. I remember to this day the story that broke in 1953 about Christine Jorgenson and her sex change. I knew then what my problem was and it scared the living daylights out of me. I wondered how I was going to get the money to change my sex. My fear and confusion continued through to adolescence.

My last year of high school I dated a girl and she eventually became my wife! I thought and hoped that marriage would change me inside! It didn't. A year later she got pregnant and I hoped that being a father would change me. Neither did that! Now I'm married and a father and have family responsibilities that makes me stuff my feminine side down as far as I could get it but it really didn't go very deep as it was right under the surface of my being. I had to be content with dressing when I got the occasion.

Today, I'm a great grandfather and I wouldn't do anything to hurt my family so surgery is out of the question, one possibly because of age and another is what do I gain because it would take years to get ready for it and I don't have that much time left.

I still thoroughly enjoy dressing and becoming totally feminine even though my wife doesn't exactly approve she just tolerates my feminine part.

If God permits maybe I'll hit four score and ten and still be feminine inside, maybe in a walker but that OK.

VivianV
VivianV VivianV 70+, T 1 Response Jul 22, 2012

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I love that you even give any thought about God and your relationship with Him. I love the Lord, too and have wanted to express the female in me (if there is a such a thing) since age 5 in the early 50s. God bless!