Not Sure Where I'll Be In 3 Months
I don't know exactly how long this could get. I guess I'll find out.
I have never lived by myself. I've always had my best friend with me to depend on, and it hasn't always been a healthy relationship but it has survived for 14 years. Now, I find myself at the precipice of change in my life, and of course it is terrifying.
My best friend was actually my first girlfriend when I was a teenager. Not long after I met her, I convinced my parents to let her move in, since she was living with her older sister at the time and the situation was emotionally abusive. Not longe after, I came to terms with my gender identity, and confessed this to her, and she supported me in my transition and ever since.
After many adventures and years, and several cities, we evolved into friends rather than girlfriends. More like sisters actually. Several years ago she started dating a guy, and he moved in not long after. Some time after that they decided to get married.
Relations between the husband and I have always been shaky and delicate. He has since the beginning, harbored much jealousy towards me because of my friend's history with me, and because of our closeness. He has anger issues and there are were many frequent confrontations. Over time, he asserted himself more and more and it became apparent that I was not welcome as a roommate, despite the wishes of my friend. Things remain tenuously civil, and I have a basement room, which limits my interaction with them. I buy prepared food and rarely go upstairs because of the "vibe" i get from the husband. This has caused me much grief, as I see my best friend only occasionally, sometimes only for a few minutes every few days, and we can rarely talk (he reads her email).
I was informed that this house was too expensive and wither when the lease is up, or before, they would find a cheaper place. A much smaller place, and I would have to find a room somewhere.
I do understand the need for a couple to live alone. So I began to search for some place to go. There is much uncertainty, though. I am unsure if I will see my friend much, if at all. Also, just finding a place in time may be difficult. I have a meager income, and can only afford a small amount each month. There is not much in this city that is on a bus line (I have no car) that I can afford. I'm unsure what to tell potential roommates. I don't exactly wish to tell them that I am a transsexual (which would probably dramatically reduce my options in an already weak selection), but I am concerned what would happen should they find out (someone could accidentally walk in on me in the bathroom, for instance). I am not sure how to gauge someone's open-mindedness for a subject without arousing suspicions.
If I only had a van, and a few thousand dollars in savings, I would put a futon the back and drive somewhere warm.