I Am Feeling Trapped With No Way Out


Right now I am feeling completely hopeless and unable to help myself get out of the situation I am in.  I didn’t ask to be in this position, but I certainly put myself here. I was once a good retail manager until I allowed my girlfriend talk me into leaving my job for another because she thought I would have been a great fit within the company she worked in. That turned out to be a disaster. So, after I was fired I had a hard time finding another company where I was a good fit. After about a year of job after job I finally found one, or at least I thought I had found one. Needless to say I was really screwed over by that company. Yes, I was fired, but I was not going to go down without a fight that time. I filed for unemployment and kicked the company’s unethical butt. At that point I was sick of retail and decided to change careers, and since my former company was obligated to pay for any education I needed while collecting unemployment compensation, I decided to go to truck driving school. I had graduated and received my commercial driver License (CDL) and started driving an 18-wheeler and I loved it. The trouble was I was driving with a co-driver and went through five of them within six months. Not one of them had a brain between them. The real problem was that I was getting so few miles, and over paying for expenses such as, 114 dollars per week for health insurance.  Then there were, of course, taxes, food, and occasional parking. So, at the end of the week I was left with a negative paycheck. Now, I could have afforded to pay for everything had I not taken any time off to be at home. The problem with not taking time off to be at home is that I still have obligations at home to tend to as well, and even though I didn’t do any driving then weeks I was at home the company was still paying the insurance and other expenses which accumulated over a period of time, leaving me no money to pay my bills or eat. I spoke with friends about my situation, or at least the friends that cared to listen, or so I had thought, anyway. These friends or at least the wife told me that there would be no problem if I came to live with them if I decided to leave the trucking company. She had actually gotten upset when I decided to stay another week and finish out my two-week notice. The understanding was, from the beginning was that I would live with them and that there would be no romantic or sexual expectations of me. I had made that perfectly clear that I was in no way going to be part of anything like that and the reason why is because it just seemed as if this offer had anterior motives on the wife’s part.  I know this because she had come onto me strongly when I first came to visit and spent the night. I was so uncomfortable with it that I fake and family emergency just so I could leave the next morning. Now, I am here, have been for six weeks and still cannot find a job anywhere and I am a multifaceted and multitalented person. I have written two novels and a book about retail loss prevention, and I have a degree in business, administration. So what is the problem? The issue about not having a job at the moment is not the main and more serious problem. The main issue here is that I am so disgusted and uncomfortable with how the wife is constantly coming onto me, wanting to lay her head on my lap when see is watching television, touching me, trying to turn me on so I would give in and sleep with her. I am not attracted to her, nor am I in any position to get involved with anyone in a romantic sense. I just do not feel good about this and need to escape.  
mykarma mykarma
Jul 16, 2009