I Can't Believe I'm Doing This Again...

Baby, you know where I've been. I've got my trust issues, but you do too. I can only imagine what it was like for you, but we've both been there. The last thing I would ever want to do is to hurt you in any way.

When we met, I always thought you were gorgeous, but you also had this incredible appeal, just so easy going and natural. You would invite me to go out places with you and your friends, and I always thought I was lucky as hell, and so grabbed every opportunity that I could. We started seeing each other more and more, and I think we really became good friends.

The funny thing was, the more we found out about each other, the more we agreed with each other... we could never date. We're both independent, we're both major flirts, we both have sooooo many things we want out of life, and we're both way too afraid for the worst. But regardless, I felt this kind of calm next to you. It was a state of no pressure, I'd just be myself completely, and we'd just go out and have fun. And we always did, and it always was.

Until finally, everything I'd been telling myself about you, about me, about us... I thought it was all just excuses. You are easily the coolest girl I have ever met. I can't compare you to anything, you fascinate me like nothing else. I would see you every single day without planning it... it really was like serendipity. I'd get up everyday with a list of things to do, but i'd always hoped that somehow we'd find a way into each other's schedules. It worked like a charm. And I noticed that I couldn't help but care for you more each and every time. But you were so independent, so care free... it would be like locking up a white tiger that deserved to be free to roam in nature. I could never cage a wild animal such as yourself. I would never want to be responsible for dampening your creative natural self.

So I never said anything. I hinted, I showed my affection, and my support. What I really wanted to show you was that I can be trusted. I can be counted on. And I would never utter such a word, I would only show you over time. When you needed me, I was there. Through our ups and downs, over the months of our friendship, I would never let you down.

Finally, one evening you expressed your concerns. Was I for real? Was I really attracted to who she was? Or was it all physical? What were we? These were all the questions that were going through my mind! It was funny to be looking into someone, thinking that I was as clear to see through as a window. But in fact, we were both too scared of each other. I didn't want to tell you how much, but I was scared. You can do anything, can have anything. That's a narrow bridge for me to cross... but that other side, and what's waiting there, it looks and feels so tempting.

I told you everything you meant to me. What you mean to me is so damn much... I wouldn't ever want to lose the level of friendship that we had, but after how much time we had to get to know each other, it would be even harder at this point to ignore how intensely my feelings have grown for you. When you told me that you wanted us to be together, that you wanted me to be your boyfriend, it was music to my ears. I haven't regreted it, and I hope you never do either. Right now are hard times, I understand, because we are apart from each other. But i will come back for you, and I want us to be together again more than anything else. I just hope that your fears don't overwhelm you. Don't ever think that I would hurt you, or abandon you, or betray you and lie to you... I couldn't do it, I could never live with myself thinking that I am the one that blew this opportunity. You're worth way to much for me to **** this up. I don't want to lose you, and I'm not sure how I'll be if something happens now. I never thought my heart would ever break again, but I feel like i'm really putting it into your hands now. And with your warmth it's already come so far. I think... that I love you. I would never dare to say this to your face, I couldn't. At least not for a long while. Especially not while I'm not there to say it directly to you. But I can't stop thinking about you, babe. You make me smile like no one else does. I'd go through the deepest depths of hell to rescue you if I had to. Honestly, if you spoke openly with me to tell me that you'd be happier without me, then I'd let you go in a heartbeat if it was really something that would make you happier in life. True love is selfless, and I could never hold you back. You belong at the top, the top of everything, the hightest cloud, or mountain, or thrown. I'd put you there myself if I could, but I think you're much more capable of reaching it than I am. I'm so thankful for what I have. I love you. Just please, don't break my heart.
WonderlustKing WonderlustKing
22-25, M
3 Responses Jul 19, 2010

Damn... love hurts...<br />
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I think for real this time, that's the last time.

Thanks for the comment! That's very nice of you. No worries about language, the message comes from the heart! Thanks again!

OMG...I really thought these feeling just in movies, you showed your honest, your sweet feeling you are such great person, and I really hope she can understand your feeling. Otherwise I will steel you from her, just kidding, I know these feeling in your heart must for whom deserve such feeling, wait her and wish you the best of luck...<br />
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P.S: sorry for my language, English is my 2nd language I was hoping that I can communicate better.