IT'S Terrifing.....

 ~ To think that I may NEVER find true everlasting love. To never find someone to call my very own, who will love me, take care of me, be there through thick & thin. It's so terrifing to try to come to terms with that probability..... It makes me sad & lonely. I know that I have a lot of baggage, & I can be selfish, needy, & clingy at times. I also know that I do deserve to have that kind of love. Goddess knows I'm willing to work at it & for it. I don't expect it to be easy, but I like to think if he's out there, & is willing to go the distance.........then love is worth all. ~

~ But I have to try & get myself to the point where if I don't find him, it won't be the end of my world. I'll be lonely, yes, & my life will definitely be missing something, always, but I need to look at my life realistically. I live in a tiny community, full of mostly married seniors. The closest town is 30 minutes away & I'm related to almost everyone there either through marriage or blood. I'm not one for going out, & I have no idea how to go about catching the interest of a guy. My reality is I'll probably never find someone willing to love me forever...........Not because I'm not worthy, but because they have NO IDEA where to find me. It makes me wanna cry, but I am dealing with the reality & not giving up hope.....Because right now, hope's all I got. It doesn't keep me warm at night or wipe away my tears, but if it's all that I can hold, I will.... ~

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11 Responses Mar 17, 2009

You're way too young to even think in these terms. Maybe you can change that inner voice and instead of reinforcing the idea that "I will never meet anyone" you can start telling yourself, "I have not yet found someone." Cause you sound desperate (which is a serious turn off to the opposite sex, and if you think you don't project it, they pick up on it pretty quick). Also, there is another concept you might consider, and it's called 'learning how to be alone.' When you reach that point deep inside yourself where you don't feel panic or depression at not having someone in your life, and you truly understand that a relationship is only one part of life, not the ultimate goal of existence, then you will come across a lot differently, and also you won't be making self-defeating choices jumping at whoever gives you a cookie, instead of being very discerning, noticing the red flags in the beginning and waiting for the right person. I hope that is why you haven't met someone yet (being discerning and having high standards for yourself), and not because of the former state (of desperation). Once a guy said to me, "why are you playing hard to get?" and I said, "I'm not playing hard to get, I am hard to get" because I felt I had a lot to offer, and wasn't about to give it away to just anyone.
Hope this helps a little...I know being alone can suck big time at times, but that feeling always passes.

I think you are forcing the "love connection", but it does not work at all. <br />
You have to give you and yourself some timeout from your mind! <br />
You are thinking to much! HE will come, when the time is right and it´s going to be a great day for you, because he will love and accept you for, who you are! <br />
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You are great as you are, and desired by someone special! Be positive and stay focused on your goal for future goals in life and by the time he comes to you, he will fulfill every wish and desire, because he would be the perfect guy for you! <br />
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Please be patience and know in your heart and you are loved and cared for of someone special and that special person will come on your terms and only on your terms! <br />
And that is wonderful my friend! <br />
Until then: trust yourself and give yourself a break and enjoy life:)<br />
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Take care and think positive!<br />
- Marin.

you know what to do......start going out or join some new hobbies etc....if necessary move to another cant expect that someone will knock on your door.........dont wait for miracles to to create brave<br />
and you can also get some books on how to behave during dating...that should give you some idea:)tracy cox is good...<br />
good luck!!!!!!!!11

I can really identify with all the things you say about 'finding love' WynHaven. I am a professional, well educated, decent human being who has never had the pleasure of knowing what it's like to be romantically loved or touched! I will be the first to admit that my self-esteem is almost non-existant and it probably has everything to do with why my life is this way. I too, have decided to pull myself off the floor (a mission in progress) and just accept that it might never happen for me. I think my internal obsession with being in love has somewhat backfired on me...the fact that i DON'T have it, just makes me feel all the more unworthy and so the cycle continues.

Oh cowshed.... you hit this one perfect. Love is not about money, sex (although it is awesome.) or physical appearance. Those things are lustful and of the flesh. They have nothing to do with your heart and that is where love resides. I personally do not care how much a man makes as long as he gets up and goes to some job every day just like I would. I look for a man to be a partner in my relationship. I don't need a man to buy me a car (did that for myself), or a house ( I bought my own home and it is the only one I want to live in.) There are plenty of women out there that aren't looking for a sugar daddy and I am one of them. <br />
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Good post Teri! It will happen.

heres a tip, dont worry about it.<br />
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Honestly, if you went on the road searching for love, on a 5 year trek around the planet, you would not find it. <br />
Love cannot be found. It can only be stumbled upon.<br />
Chances are if you find someone, its not the one for you, not forever anyway.<br />
Obviously you could find people to... go out with but as you said you arent one to go out.<br />
But think of it this way, you'll never come to marry "The one" less you give him a chance.<br />
Big point here is, you cant find love, it has to find you.

i wouldnt say that all people look for the same things in a partner, but i always think there are too many people that look for the wrong things in a partner ie money, a good job, someone thats popular and so on!!! when you think about it, love was around thousands of years before money and jobs and so on, so they mean very little when it comes to love!!!

Don't wast tour time with anyone who say' "you are all the same". Look up "sexist" and you will find this guys name. Lol. <br />
The internet seems a good way for you to search for somone who can relate to you. Please don’t even engage/respond to the sexist and bitter. It will only discourage you. save your energy for the mature who have something to offer you…DD

"But I have to try & get myself to the point where if I don't find him, it won't be the end of my world."<br />
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This is the most important statement in your story. When we first learn to love ourselves then we are able to love others.

you will find the right one. they have not found you yet!

I understand what you are talking about. I feel the same way. I keep hoping that they will find me. I live in Maine - so I understand the whole middle of nowhere aspect. That's why I've started to search. You will never find them unless you start looking and let them know you are here. I may even move out of middle of nowhere maine to have a better chance of finding them. <br />
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Not suggesting anything drastic, but is there anything holding you there? Is there any reason you can't...set yourself free? Love is a journey and an adventure. I agree, with LadyJayne. Don't give up. Love often arrives when you least expect it.