I Am Trying Not to Accept That I May Never Find True Love

 Here's a little background on me for those that don't know: I have never been in a relationship, never "loved", yadda, yadda , yadda and I'm 24 now.

 

In a previous post I wrote, I thought that maybe somehow I wasn't worthy of being in a relationship. I thought love was just an arena I couldn't participate in. But after some interesting feedback, I'm starting to learn that true love is often within and it is to be shared. I find comfort looking at love from this viewpoint because what seemed like a void is starting to look more like unused potential, or  unreleased energy. Why should I withhold that love for a single person, when I could love life or love myself or things around me? I admit that this is really tough for me because I've always viewed a true love as a single person (a soulmate maybe?), not as an energy or force that could be found within. 

 

 

 

Tummie Tummie
26-30, M
34 Responses Mar 20, 2009

See, that's good that you have a different mindset now. I also have slightly changed. I still don't think I'll ever be in a official romantic relationship. But, this is mainly because I'm a "whole soul" and an "old soul" who already has male and female integrated. I have no desire to pro-create. But, your case is different. So, we are still not 100% yet.

Thank you Elf :) And you're absolutely right

Elusive as it can be............. true love comes when we stop seeking it and at a time we least expect it.<br />
My hopes follow you to find what you desire so badly............<br />
<br />
Elf

Thank you so much Slipnslyde! :)

Oh I don't lol. That was my train of thought during the time I made this post

Thank you Marin :)

Okay! Interesting story! <br />
<br />
When you meet that special person, you will know in your heart and soul. She will come and rock your world up and down and make you crazy. But i find your new thinking rather odd. Love should not be analysed and turn into an assignment! <br />
<br />
Love is a feeling or more like a happening! <br />
Love is something, which you can give and receive at the same time!<br />
Love is special and precious! <br />
<br />
But it´s also a sign that you have not been so clear about, what you really want in a relationship or what you are pursuiting after... It´s about your goals in life and to follow them! <br />
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Anyways, you seems like a smart young man, who is rational and knows things in life. Maybe you are having the same dilemmas as the women in Sense and Sensibility? Fighting with common sense, when you should be focusing on your needs.. <br />
I truly hope that you know, that there is a special someone for everyone and that is included you! <br />
So stop thinking like love is not for you, because there is! And try to stay positive, okay? <br />
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Good luck and take care <br />
- Marin,

Thank you evca :) I'm sure one day I'll find Ms. Right lol

you wrote it absolutely beautifully and very spiritually...........<br />
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i believe in what u wrote..........<br />
first of all you must love yourself ...because if you cant love yourself how will you know how to love someone else?<br />
i am talking about real love of the person not a crazy fall in love:) both are nice but one is real and lasting and the other is sweet, then painful and often not everlasting.unless its transformed to true love...<br />
if your are happy and positive person you will atract the same into your life.....i hope you will find your Mr Right who treats you right!

Stories4234: I never been in a relationship before. Never kissed or anything beyond that. At some point, I was cynical just like you and thought that love just wasn't meant for me. I wrote a story about it actually in the "I never been kissed" group. I realized that at some point early in my life, I actually gave up on the idea of love/relationships, which came from years of being told things that all boiled down to saying I was simply not good enough. I was told these things at an early age by males AND females alike. When I was nice, I was too weak; not man enough. When I studied, I was too much of a geek. I was too ugly etc etc and etc. As far as my mind was concerned, the whole romance thing was just not for me. It wasn't until earlier in 2009 (thank god for EP) that I realized I gave up on love because of the pain I felt. I didn't let go of the things that were said to me. I still resented the fact that I couldn't express myself as much as I wanted to. But I also know that I'm human just like everyone else and I now realize that happiness comes from within. If I forgive and let go, I'm free to love and then everything else will follow. Sometimes love isn't about what can be trusted. Sometimes it's about faith.

I found love in other forms like nature, keeping busy with my career, my friends, and pets. I don't think romantic love is for me - as I said, I tried many times and kept failing and there comes a point in a person's life when they just don't want to try anymore. It might sound weird to you but it makes perfect sense to another person. Maybe you haven't been knocked down as many times as I have - or been misled as often. It hurts a lot and then you give up. You just might end up in my shoes one day and then you'll understand.

I understand that there are people who never marry, but that doesn't mean we should give up on love. There are those who never succeed in meeting their goals, but that doesn't mean we should give up because of that, right? I think many who lived a lifetime that haven't found love, have given up on it.

Tummie - what about people who never marry?

Love is for everyone and there's a companion for everyone. We just have to keep believing in it.

I am 31 years old and I've basically been searching, praying, looking, desiring 'true love' for the past 6 years. And I received anything but - if anything, one rejection after the other.<br />
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Then I kind of gave up and came to conclusion that true love doesn't exist and it's all crap. But then people around me started falling in love, having babies, sending me their happy pictures through the internet. And I kind of realized that it DOES exist.<br />
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But just not for me, for some reason. Meh......

Thank you and love to you too Nora :) You know, I didn't expect to receive all the feedback that I have receive thus far for this story, so I think you're right about the gravity. Hmmmmmmmmm....yeah, you're definitely right about the gravity :)

thank you mysticbeauty :) yes I definitely agree that love is much more than just an agreement between two people and it really does help us to grow if we choose to share it. <br />
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thank you again Dee! Love is a beautiful and quite attractive concept :D <br />
<br />
(((((hugs back))))))

Its tru that you have to love yourself... before you can TRULY love someone else... But just because you Love someone doesnt mean you cant love others, and friends and life... Thats the great thing about Love... that you can share it with others... you can fall in Love with lots or little... but it all helps you grow and know what you like and dont like... but if you dont put yourself out there to even try then how will you ever know... Let yourself be open to it... Dont say you are but your not cause that just wouldnt be fair...

Gem, it's wonderful to witness your growing perceptions.. I just want to echo what Datura has said, because I think it's a critical point: <br />
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<i>...love isn't something "out there" that we have to search desperately for. It is you.</i><br />
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Love is an essential component of what we *are*... it is always there, even though we may not always be aware of this. Yes, it's wonderful to share this part of ourselves with another, but to experience love all we really need do is look within. Which is why it is most important to begin with loving ourselves.<br />
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(((Hugs))) all around!

Thank you datura. That's exactly the conclusion I'm coming to, which is the whole point of the story. I think some of the others that commented were a bit mislead since this story is in a group that cast doubt on finding true love, but I do appreciate the support. (((((((datura))))) You seem to understand my stories so well :D

I'm reading a book called Frequency right now about living from our soul's frequency. This is a quote from her website:<br />
<br />
In Frequency, Peirce explores the dynamics of energy, personal resonance, and our accelerating evolution into a totally new reality she calls The Intuition Age. You will learn to free yourself from negative or low vibrations (like suffering, depression, and victim consciousness), to feel your own unique "personal vibration," and attune it, just as you would a radio station, to the naturally high frequency of your best, innermost self — your soul. By learning to live skillfully in an energy world, you will literally change yourself into a new kind of human being — and experience what is is to become "transparent" or enlightened.<br />
<br />
Here is a review of the book:<br />
<br />
Frequency will put you in touch with yourself in a way you never dreamed possible. Penney Peirce, with her amazingly comprehensive grasp of intuitive and empathic perception, has crafted a highly useful book that will help you reliably recognize the core vibration of your truest self, and harness your sensitivity so all areas of your life can change for the better.<br />
—Carol Adrienne, PhD, author of<br />
The Purpose of Your Life<br />
<br />
And the bottom line of the book is just what you have said in your story, TUM. That love is an energy, a force, the actual creative principle of everything. The book shows us how we can change our lives by understanding this and by coming to the understanding that love isn't something "out there" that we have to search desperately for. It is you.<br />
<br />
I know you are coming to a good understanding of this. I know that you are not asking for ways to find love with this story, but sharing that you have found a new perception.

Thank you Dee67 and hippychick! <br />
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Dee67: The description you gave of love being an energy really makes sense to me. As a matter of fact, I think it was because of your feedback and datura's and maybe several others feedback on the post i wrote awhile back that really had me thinking about love and led me to look at it as an energy. I am so glad to have both you and datura in my circle because feedback like this really does make my day.<br />
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hippychick: Thank you hippychick and yes, I will definitely continue to have faith in the relationship department :)

Hi Gem (TUM.. I still think of you as Gem, tho, lol.. you are a gem of a person)...<BR><BR>I kinda think about it this way: Love is an energy (I do agree) that comes from (what we feel as) 'within'. Certain ob<x>jects or people in our environment trigger this energy and cause it to flow. Deepak Chopra calls Love 'the motivating force'. We go to great lengths to experience this flow. We can feel love for people (our family, children, others whom we feel close to) for ob<x>jects or even actions (like a love of nature, of being outdoors and experiencing a beautiful sunset, or a love of creating.. as in music or painting etc). Perhaps the ultimate material or worldly love is the feeling of romantic love for another person who seems to complete us, to make us feel whole, who fills in the missing pieces for us. I think this experience (of romantic love) can be very valuable, however it often leads to heartbreak and disappointment, because in essence it is mainly based on illusion, and the idea that another perfect person holds the 'key' for us. In fact, the 'key' is within us all. But I think if we can recognize this, we can still have long and satisfying relationships with special others in our lives (both romantic and non). In fact, our relationships reflect certain aspects of ourselves, and these relationships become the most important and precious things in our lives.<BR><BR>Gem, just because you are 24 and haven't yet found your first romantic encounter, does not at all mean all is lost!! We have a friend who remained single and married for the first time in his 50s.. he is a very intelligent, wonderful guy, but his self confidence with women was low, and it took him a long time to find the 'right' woman (he never even really dated anyone all thru his 20s, 30s and 40s). It's never too late!!<BR><BR>Keep cultivating love in other areas of your life, and when the time is 'right', opportunity will arise. I am certain of that :)

(((((TUM))))))

Thank you juan and shadow :)<br />
<br />
And thanks again Datura :) I felt more enlightened when I began to look at love as an energy and this gave me more to think about. Also, I just checked out astrostar.com and it's a pretty cool site. I like it ^_^

The Blimey has got it right, I believe.<br />
If we are seeking out love -- and I'm talking about the romatic, passionate, moonlight and soft kisses kind of love (eros) -- it has a tendency to avoid us.<br />
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However, it does have a tendency to surprise one -- to show up when one least expects it to.<br />
<br />
Good fortune to you TUM!

You know I love you too, TUM! You have a wonderful energy about you that I feel in very real way. I know that people who don't get the energy stuff will never understand this. But that's ok. You and I know what we mean!

Thank you datura! :) Actually, reading that quote has made my day for today :D (((((((hugs))))) I love youuuuu lol

TUM, I found this quote on Astrostar.com:<br />
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"Love is usually defined as a strong affection for another, as a strong regard for and dedication to someone. It could be for our spouse, our family, our friends...<br />
<br />
But love can also be seen as a form of energy. We already know that all matter is energy in movement. Even the most solid ob<x>jects are built from energy. We are surrounded by energy. We ourselves are energy. The source of this energy is love. Love is the highest form of energy.<br />
<br />
Energy vibrates at different frequencies. Love forces vibrate at the highest frequency. Forces of inferior kind show lower frequencies. Love has been seen as the greatest energy of life or the unified field of consciousness."<br />
<br />
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You have hit the nail squarely on the head as far as what I believe. We come from this field of all potential, this void. And it is created by love. We are love!

Lol. Gotcha :)<br />
<br />
Well, it's not that I'm avoiding the search for a soul-mate, but it's me looking at love from a broader perspective and from this view point, I believe now that we all have this access to true love but it's from within. And that's the reason why I'm not trying to accept that I may never find true love. Of course I could be completely wrong lol.

I was referring to the name of your story "I am trying *not* to accept..."<br />
What I was thinking was that finding this new form of love could be a way of accepting that you wont find the "soulmate" form of love you mentioned.<br />
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Sorry, I have a condition called brain vomit. :P

"Maybe the love you're describing is another way for you to find the acceptance you're trying to avoid. Maybe not. Love, in its many forms, is a beautiful thing. I hope this path brings you happiness :)"<br />
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I'm not sure what acceptance you're referring to exactly but thanks for the comment :)<br />
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"True love always occurs when you least expect it, just live, try to be happy and be open to it."<br />
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Thanks TheBlimey :)

True love always occurs when you least expect it, just live, try to be happy and be open to it.

Maybe the love you're describing is another way for you to find the acceptance you're trying to avoid. Maybe not. Love, in its many forms, is a beautiful thing. I hope this path brings you happiness :)