Written on December 22nd, 2007
to act human i need to supress my natural emotions so that i feel none, and layer false emotions on top, ones that show outwardly but i don't really feel anything from and they are created by my conceous mind specifically for the purpose of making me appear normal and nonthreatening. to enable me to work where I work, a grocery store as a cashier. i don't like dealing with so many people all day, it's draining. I feed all I can but it's only barely enough to keep me strong enough to even do this. But feeding so much because of a need for it after a while makes feeding start to feel like a chore. i can never get enough from just a few, it's hard to get enough at all. if i could just have some blood i bet things would get easier for a little while.
anyway, I'm not sure if my little act is working, I still have so many little things about me that for some reason seem strange to most people. I'm not like these people and it's very hard to convince them that I AM one of them. but if i can't convince them, i'm not going to last long in most jobs