The Turning Point

7 years ago, I lost my virginity as an attempt to keep a guy around.
He was a few years older than me, and swore that he'd love me.
Nevertheless, he left. And there I was, heartbroken, alone, and regretful.

I took that experience into my next relationship, where I was cheated on over 20 times, with over 20 different women. Gave this man my body only for him to use it as sexual gratification, and dispose of me after. Once again, I was left broken, alone and regretful.

A few months after that, I was raped by two men up the block from me, while one of them held a box cutter to my neck. Because of the lack of marks on my body, the police said I was lying. Everyday after that, I was forced to walk past these same men. They would scowl at me in the street while I had my little sister and once even threw a bucket of water on her. All of this after humiliating me.

I went from one relationship to the next, trying to find that person who would empathize with me. All they wanted was sex. To keep them around I complied.

It's been 7 years, I am sick of the pattern.The turning point: I cried my final set of tears over a guy I loved last week. He too, only stayed for sex.

I am sick of not being taken seriously. No matter how many great attributes I carry, no matter how loving and gentle I am as a person, no matter how altruistic I am in nature.. I can't seem to be respected, all because of my sexuality.

I am ready for that change. My soul needs cleansing. I want to forgive myself for all of the degradation I put myself through. I am going to respect and learn to love who I am, and blossom into a beautiful woman with lessons for more girls like myself.

Being celibate feels so great already. I been for only 2 weeks but it seems so right.

:-).
lovingharmony lovingharmony
18-21, F
Aug 17, 2012