Never Been Happy

All my life I tried to be happy, to feel happy, to be contented.

To be honest, I don't even know what happiness means, literally. I never felt happy, I tried but at the end of the day, I still feel the sadness in me. I may look like I'm having fun, like I'm very happy and contented, but really I'm not.

I still have questions in my head and heart that even when they are answered, I still don't get it, I am left puzzled and still seeking for answers. I don't tell my family and friends about this, I just don't like be all that dramatic to them. Being over that dramatic is like you're showing too much weakness. I'm not afraid if people knew my weaknesses but being not happy is just shameful for me to show. I have over-supportive bestest best friends, weird but loving siblings, very strict but very loving parents, and very fun relatives. My life is the life most people picture to be happy, contented and perfect, but really. Behind this smiles I'm showing or giving them? Have pain or sad experience. I never been so happy that every time I close my eyes to sleep, I'm not excited to wake up the next day, I'm not saying I want to die. I love life and I love my life. Its just that without this "happiness" in my life, how can I be that excited for the future?

I want to know what HAPPINESS means and what its like to be HAPPY. I want to live my young life full of happiness and love, and not with sadness and hatred.

Ask yourself people, are you happy? If not, hope you will find happiness soon. :) And if you are happy, good for you. ^^ Also, try sharing your happiness to people around you, believe me it will make a big difference. :) 

sunsetglow sunsetglow
22-25, F
4 Responses Aug 7, 2010

Happiness comes when you let go of seeking to be happy.

Seeking happiness cause suffering. Instead, just be. Experience yourself in the moment. A great spiritual teacher, Swami Muktananda said: "Meditate. Happiness lies within you." Also serving others selflessly is a source of true and real joy.

Happiness is that zest for life. That excitement for whats next! Its when I see my 3 year old's face. That gleem in his eyes and that smile that shows pure pure joy! In comparison my smile is a facade. Instead I have incredible trepidition for whats next! I do know what happiness is. I remember it as a young child. The realities and dissappointments in life change the face of happiness. I know I keep searching for the old happiness that can never be replaced but I am re-living it with my son. I feel sad to see that one day he too will be searching for it. The only way to find it is by accepting the edited newer version by letting go of the innocent happiness.

I was really surprized reading this because I feel exactly the same. I don't know what happiness is but I hope you find it. Aparently its out there somewhere. Let me know if you find it.

this is the thing whicheveryone want and no one gets strange and bad but true i say we get happiness but the pain and incidents in life are always remembered true happiness can be achieved only by gods prayer and helping other