My Dad

 

My dad was awesome in every way. He was not just my father, he was my friend. He was open-minded and gentle, caring, kind, honest. He never judged people. He understood me even when I didn't understand myself. He was my biggest supporter.

 

 In January of 2007, my husband and I lost our home due to forclosure. My Dad instantly opened his home to us. We all lived happily here together, until October 8th, 2008. That's the day that my husband had found my that my father had passed away in his sleep. I wasn't here. I was visiting with other relatives. And the guilt consumes me. I missed out on 10 days with him. When I left, I took for granted that he would be here when I returned. He wasn't.  He was only 56. The coroner said it was a massive heart attack and Daddy never felt a thing and he went peacefully in his sleep, but I can't help but wonder that if I had been here, maybe..... just maybe..... I could have saved him.  In my heart, I know that my dad wouldn't want me to feel this way, but I can't help it. I miss him so much. It hurts to have to live here now. I have good memories here, but it's not the same without him.  I am trying to deal with this in a way that would make him proud, but my coping skills are a bit lacking.

justajunkie justajunkie
31-35, F
3 Responses Mar 5, 2009

I can relate to this, so sorry.

here is a (((hug)))......

Sweetheart, you are in a natural grief process and all your feeling are normal. Guilt, anger, depression, all the feelings you are having are normal. Walk through them. Talk through them. What a terrible shock you have been through. I hope someday my children will say the wonderful things about me that you have said about your father. Don't be ashamed of your feelings. They are all normal and you have a right to grieve as much as you need to as you walk through the valley of death. I pray that God will comfort you.