Trying To Cope With Being A Stepfather....

I am having many difficulties in coping with being a stepfather. I have been married to my wife for 3 years and she has two sons ages 11 and 8 from her first marriage. We together have a nine month old daughter.

The most troubling and immediate problems that I have are as follows....
the boys still have their biological father very much in their life, they split time here and there equally, this is not the problem, what is the problem is the inconsistency of parenting styles.
Their bio-father is more of their "Buddy" or "Friend" than their Father with no real discipline and no real responsibilities or consequences, whereas, I am a disciplinarian, I expect proper manners, respect towards other people, no talking back, no laziness, no lying and responsibilities such as household chores.
Their mother and I agree in parenting style for the most part. She is a teacher and is more flexible and less likely to use strong discipline than I am, but our ideas are similar in the way we would like to see the boys grow into young men.
Their father is a manipulator of the children and has them believing that their mother is to blame for most of the short comings of his obligations. He promises things that he cannot deliver and blames their mother, making it her fault because she was unable to help him reach his obligations to the boys. I have a hard time with him manipulating and lying to the boys and I naturally come to my wives' defense in these matters. When this occurs, I am immediately the bad guy in the eyes of the boys and because of this and the way I sometimes handle the situation ( I get angry with their father to the point that I express my feelings to him about his tactics and it usually in the presence of the boys), my wife gets upset with me . I can see only one thing in our future if this doesn't get corrected, and I do not want to live without my wife, I love her very much and I also do not think that my daughter should suffer unduly because of this unfortunate situation.
Help me please....
scotthamby7 scotthamby7
46-50, M
1 Response Sep 17, 2012

Counselling is the only advise I can give you. Together with your wife and sons. Separately and/or together. Maybe separation or divorce is the answer. I don't know. But you can't continue like this indefinitely, for the sake of your daughter, as well as, everyone else who is concerned.