Where's The Fun?

It's a struggle to wake up early, to go to bed on time. I never feel good early in the mornings no matter how many articles I read saying that this is our natural rythm. I workout. Sad to say I am Not addicted. When does the fun start?? I run. Every step is hard. Eating healthy is hard, but I do it. It never does get easy. I just don't seem to like the taste of veggies no matter how long I eat them. I drink caffeine. I didn't drink it for a long time: things did not get better with sleep, energy, nothing. Now I drink green tea, but I am still avoiding coffee because it does increase my anxiety. I hate to clean. I despise it. Oh I love living in a clean house. I get up and do the work anyway, but I think I would rather live out of a backpack and be a tent dwelling nomad than live in a house with floors to mop and sweep. (lol. I do know this to be fact because I did this for two years. Up until I got married and had children I preferred this way of life.)
Point is, when does it become easy?? When does exercising become addictive? When does waking in the early part of morning become a natural feeling for me?
What does feel natural for me is writing. This, so far, does not get me enough money to get a house keeper. I feel as though I am struggling with so much of my day. Writing is my outlet, but I really can't do it if I'm burnt out because I woke up early and cleaned half the day. I try, but accomplish little of my writing. It's almost as if i have to choose. Stories are my addiction. It is the only thing that seems to come easy.
mtiff mtiff
26-30, F
Jan 10, 2013