That Which Should Not Be

For years - the entirety of my sexually active life actually - I've battled with what's acceptable.  What's appropriate.  What's not offensive.  Just when I think I finally have a good solid grasp of all the boundaries and am comfortable with them, able to use them to the limits of my current partner... someone comes along and destroys all that I have built.

However, this isn't the negative experience usually associated with destruction.  This is, best I can see, one of the most potentially liberating destructive courses I could ever take. 

I just hope that I'm able and worthy at it's completion.

The places I see my potential myself, as seen from my previous self - are indeed a bit scary.  My current views are that of interest and intrigue.  I'm so eager to forge through the gates and experience what lies ahead that I often find myself failing to keep my feet on the ground - and take the slow, winding paths stomped out by those who preceded me.  I worry that I'm rushing, but with each step, the next feels more comfortable.  I have no idea where I'll end up, and for right now, for the first time, that doesn't scare me.  and *that* does scare me. 

I am scared of the extents to which I might be capable - but only because of the opinions held by my yesterday-self.  Knowing this, I'm more commonly ignoring the condescending and unaprroving voices in my head.  My first reactions /thoughts are no longer immediately rejected.  There's a hint of faith in my natural instinct which is a new feeling itself.  It feels good... to feel good.

I wonder what will come next.
LustTheBeast LustTheBeast
26-30, M
Mar 28, 2007