I feel very up and down, mixed emotions at the moment. For one thing i'm tired and PMSing, which tends to make me sad anyway. But right now i'm just confused and all mixed up. As i was sitting in Modern Studies this morning, I realised how boring I found the subject, and how much i've changed because i used to enjoy it. I used to hate science, but now I love it and did well in Biology, so i started to dream about what it would be like to take Chemistry and then go to uni and do a life science.

The trouble is, life has a way of crushing your dreams into the grey flatness known as reality. My parents don't want me to drop Modern Studies, and it would mean leaving the one person in my year who actually seems to enjoy talking to me, Zoe. They say "you need two A's and two B's, Modern could be a chance to get an A, you won't get a A if you're taking Chemistry from scratch"

I wish i could turn back time and do Chemistry in 3rd and 4th year instead of cooking or music. I wish i could go back in time and befriend some people so i wouldn't feel so alone now. I often look at people in my school and wonder what it would be like to be their friend, and then start to wish it.

And i'm afraid the new people in the year above me who've just left are just going to get sick of me. I really hope not because they're really nice people. I just wish i had more people to connect with.

I always tell myself i'll find a way, but it's so hard sometimes. Sometimes i feel everyone would be better off without me.
CaitlinBuchan97 CaitlinBuchan97
18-21, F
1 Response Aug 19, 2014

Everyone would not be better off without you. You can certainly try at Chemistry but you might be better off learning a lot about Chemistry online first from online video courses and sites like Khan Academy. If you feel comfortable and competent in the material, then attempt it. You are most definitely still young enough to make career changes. I made them for years after your age and I'm still on track with most other people entering the profession I'm going into.