Lonely Otaku

I hate living in a lost dark world.As an Otaku I can't seem to look at reallity the right way.Most people want to grow up,go to school,have a family,and have a job.Other people want to accomplish something in life,like changing the world/or benefiting it.And other people feel lonely or different and want to be more well known.The way I see it is to enjoy life.But,I was a lonely child when I was much younger and I still somewhat consider myself lonely.Then I only realized I wanted to be noticed and tried to impress by doing multiple hobbies.I soon noticed that no one was paying attention to me.I began a depression and then found anime.It was alright when I first saw it,I thought nothing of it but mere entertainment.(Which most people do)As Naruto continued,I went online and found much more anime.Deathnote,Rosario Vampire,Kuroshitsuji,Gosick,Darker Than Black,Elfen Lied,Soul Eater,When They Cry,etc.I noticed then that I just wanted happiness and watched these series.I was able to find a imaginary path of happiness for each individual character.As I got into Naruto I kept an eye on Sasuke.He was my favorite.Not just because I'm a fangirl,its also because I liked his backround story.The only problem was he was the hardest to find happiness for.I then created my own RPC ( role play character).The story is still continueing at the moment still trying to find happiness.As I watched and studied more anime,I realized that I had been zoneing out alot around friends,family,or school.Then I grew a sense of hate or everything.I didn't feel loved as a child and I still don't therefore I hate just about everything and everyone.With only 10-20 acceptions.Now before I knew I had friends,I had already made my RPC and had mase Sasuke my imaginary friend.I know it sounds crazy,but I had no other friends and I was desperate for something to do or someone to think/talk to.(Yes I talk to myself out loud sometimes)Sasuke became my closest friend and still is.When I met my real friends I only thought of them as other people,nothing more or less.Now I consider them as friends with benefits.People to chatter on about school or anime.When we start talkin about Sasuke I listen to what they have to say,if they say something I don't like I yell/scream at them or ignore them.(Usually ignore) I do this because well,Sasuke's my closest friend I don't want people saying bad stuff about him.But I have never said Sasuke is my friend out loud or even muttered it to myself.I just keep it in my mind.Other than yelling or ignoring them I just act like a normal fangirl.I see the world in many ways but stick to one.I do what I want to get what I want and what I want is happiness.I've gotten over if everyone hates me,I could care less about them too.I just want someone to understand me and someone to actually talk to without regretting anything I say accidently out loud that I don't want them to hear.I have to admit,I am human and I like attention,but when I have to much I get aggrivated easily.I just want a friend for happiness.Not that I'm tired of Sasuke nothing can change that he'll always be my friend.But part of me realizes that I can't ne cooped up in my mind for the rest of my life,I need a 'person' friend. ------If you have Questions Message me I'll kindly aswer------
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Jul 14, 2011