Moving On From Personal Traumas

i wish you luck and more.. I wish you luck in setting the right support and healthy happy living for yourself, and wish you luck in the form of your husband waking up with love and respect for you, reinspired by your failure to buckle under and your happiness in pulling through and doing what you need to do in life while you stand by him.

fair play too you, your right you have to go and make yourself happy regardless of what others do, i have done this for myself recently..i believe your happiness will rub off on him and he will notice that your being pro-active .You will then feel happier yourself and wont be as preoccupied by worrying about how he is... which takes the pressure off both ye...he is aware of your insecurities and that may make him a little uneasy..but when you go and make yourself happy you will bring that home with you and he may too also lighten up because he will see a light coming from within you ...which will make him believe in the hope for better days ahead for both of ye.

Good luck to you. I hope everything is working out. You write very well. Have you tried to sit down and hand-write him a letter explaining how you see things?

The games, etc. are a visual distraction. Maybe a visual realization-the written word-left for him late one night when you go to bed-will give him time to read and think alone.

Good luck and keep us posted.

I've been struggling with this myself....i have to stop relying on others to make me happy

I wish you the best.

Your husband sounds like mine! What has happened to you since you wrote this? My marriage fell to Pcs. because he wouldn't help himself or let me connect with him. Im curious to know.

Babydoll; hon, you are doing the best thing that you can do; try to take care of yourself emotionally and learn to find happiness apart from all the grief that you and your husband has been through; my heart feels for you. I understand how hard it is to live with a man you love who is in denial about his own pain and probably blaming his misery on you. Please take care of yourself; continue therapy for PTSD and "find yourself" through all of this...don't give up on YOUR healing...peace and hugs to you.

I'm a little similar to funniegirl Liz above. Had both PTSD and chronic depression. Was treated by a very good pshychiatrist and also had pills for depression. I held off on the medication for a number of years as I was worried about being adicted to them. They do help me personally and take the edge of the anger and frustration.



My key difference I guess is that my partner also had ptsd/depression and she got the same help. Hers took a little longer than mine to resolve, but resolved it is.



We are both now different people - often in our own seperate bubbles... But we are going forward in our own way. Am not sure how long we will be together as the physical side has gone, probably due to the medication and confidence.. But i guess we take it one day at a time and try to look forward...



Anyway I feel your pain and distress.. If you ever want to talk privately and positively about all this message me via EP.



Best wishes.. Your friend Ido. ;-)

There are 5 stages in the grieving process and it sounds like your husband is still at the first stage - denial and isolation. I know it must have hit him hard, his sister dying there. He does need help to move on as men do tend to bury their emotions where they fester. As regards the counselling, I suggest you say we're going ... no choice. He needs help through that grieving process which is where he's stuck. I wish you well.

So sorry for ur sadness......

I had a really crappy run where I lost my mother and brother in the space of 11 months. I went numb inside for a few years afterwards and engaged in some pretty self-destructive behaviour. Gradually the better side of me began to stir and re-assert itself. Two things: the really crappy run seems to be over, at least for now, and I'm not the same person I was before those traumatic losses.



I hope you both are able to bring sanity and joy back into your lives! There will always be emotional scars but time does eventually fade those too.

U need a discreet man

I have dealt with some pretty tuff times myself, I found growing my circle of friends, and actually in some occasions dropping out of certain circles for new circles has contributed to good change in my life. A lot of the people I surround myself with now are involved with various different charities and events. Really they are just big get togethers where everyone drinks too much. But it is a great way to step out of your own life for a bit get dressed in your number ones, and have a good time, oh we also help others...... so that's good as well.

Just wondering... How goes it? It's been a while since you posted this. I hope you are getting better.

Peace be with you

Wow your last lines are what really touched me. You realize that you are the only one that can make you happy so get out there and make yourself happy. Have you thought of joining your hubby online? Maybe he would welcome you in his games and you could have some emotional bonding as you take down whatever opponent. Games take us away from the real world and allow us to leave those horrible thoughts behind sometimes and that is maybe his way of dealing with things. I am not the know all and be all of it, and I am just one person but you seem like such a strong woman and with or without him I think you are going to survive. I know those insecurities you speak of all too well because I have tried to push my guy away more than once because they crop up and I can't get past that "I may not be good enough for this man syndrome" but it is not them that needs to change it is us. I have been there and done that and I am in a better place because I struggled with it but keep in mind that you are strong and you need no one else to keep you there. it is all up to you.

I've had to endure some tough times over the years but there's one thought that always gets me through and that thought is...



There's always somebody worse off than yourself.



xo

Wishing you the best of luck.

On joy and sorrow.



      Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.

      And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.

      And how else can it be?

      The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.

      Is not the cup that hold your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?

      And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?

      When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.

      When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.

      Some of you say, "Joy is greater than sorrow," and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater."

      But I say unto you, they are inseparable.

      Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.

      Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy.

      Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced.

      When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall.

Playing games and being on the computer is his way of dealing with this cause he don't have to talk to anyone. Was he always like this and did you two ever have good converstions between you? Maybe he just needs to know and feel that it is really easy to let go and talk with you but you have to be that open and understanding to let that happen!

HII

wow ! just wow ~ you've been through alot , my prayers are with you and hopefully things will begin to brighten for you ! good luck and stay positive !

Sad for you to have gone through so much and then lost the closeness of your husband. You do need to spring back to life yourself. That's a good plan.

I hope you both can reconnect and rebuild your relationship.

Your last sentence summed it up perfectly. You have to be concerned about your own happiness first. That doesn't mean ignoring others, because I think making them happy also makes you happy. But just knowing the things that you need to do in order to keep yourself solid and grounded is very important. I find time away from a significant other can be very healthy for a relationship and bring the two people back together because making yourself more interesting to you, is going to make you more intriguing to others.



The video game thing is tough, because it can be an overwhelming addiction. I'm not sure what to do in that situation. I personally forgo having a TV in my house because I find that it's an object that can suck one in for hours on end. Good luck and stay strong with your convictions.

I hope you find the inner strength to beat this.

it sounds like the games keeps his mind occupied and its a way to stop himself from thinking about the things that have happened.. maybe you should try and make a deal to go out a few times a week rather than staying in..

I understand. I had an ex girlfriend who had PTSD after death of her husband. Its a very sad thing to witness a person in that state. I tried very much to help her emotionally but i felt like an outsider. Since I had never been married before I felt like I had nothing to give. We were very happy for a while, but she was very paranoid of my family and friends. She distanced herself from her family. This in turn made it difficult because I had a family that liked her. But she had deeper issues and it took its toll on me emotionally as well. She and I did'nt sleep together after a while and that alone about killed me because I wanted to be close to her. It went from bad to worse.We went from Lovers to friends to roommates to strangers to enemies. It was a bad time for me. I am here if you want to talk.

I wish you all the luck in the world. I know what its like to just shove everything down and try not to deal with it by being immersed in gaming. He will come out of it though ... and so will you. Trust each other, but don't lean on each other too much. Blessings!

very good post! You made one point that i think all of us need to heed. We are responsible for our own happiness! Too many times we expect others to "make it right" that is not going to happen very often. Too many marriages fail, because one of the partners or both, are waiting for the other to make them happy! We also tend to dwell on the negatives,and take for granted the positives! Good Luck!



Online games, PS -3....all Japans get even for world war II plan! I hate them!