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Even If I Never Will

Things crumble to dust in front of my eyes, and I no longer care. My marriage which has pretty much been over for more than a year is in the end stages. All that is left is to see to my wife's health and my daughter's best interests.

My wife has been suicadal and abusive. Lashing out more and more these past few days and even striking me a time or two. She's now telling me that she will destroy me and make me hurt as much as she does. The whole while telling me she still loves me.

Sometimes love isn't enough though. Her mental instability and continuing health issues and lack of caring for herself, along with her reccurring wants to use shame and guilt into manipulating things to bolster her attentions is beyond my ability to cope with any longer. 251 straight days with arguing and animosity between us here is something that will no longer be tolerated. Yes..., I counted the days.

I will not allow my daughter to become the target of her guilt and shaming techniques in my absence. I am taking Nicole. She wants to be with me, and I with her. It won't be easy but I will find a way to care for her in a loving and caring manner. I will find the means to support and sustain us and to give her the benifit of a stable upbringing, and enviroment. She deserves a chance to be happy away from all this craziness.

I will find a way to ensure that Kim gets the help she needs. Both mentally and physically. Nicole does need her mom after all. Despite everything that we've been through..., I love Kim. I want to see her do well and find some modicum of peace and contentment.

All of this will preclude me from being around much in the coming days and weeks as I try to get all of this settled, and things in this domestic arena taken care of as best I can.

I've talked with Kim's mom, and family and she will be going to stay with them. Her mom is going to get her to and from appts. to be sure she's at least trying to come full circle with all of this.

I have failed in many areas. I blame only myself. I am the bad guy here and all of it falls upon me. I wish I could have done better..., made it work..., but I failed at that. The only thing now left to me is to try and insulate my daughter from any further mental anguish on her part.

I would like to caution everyone that my wife may at some point show up here on Experience Project and say all kinds of things. Some of it will be deserved and some will be designed to destroy friendships I've made. Feel free to believe what you will.

Kim is a good woman with some issues. I am one of these issue she has. Her love for me has evolved into a very unhealthy obsession of sorts. That is about the only bad thing I can say about her. The rest of the bad things to be said belong only against myself for my failures as a husband, and caregiver to her.

I hope this helps explain my sudden disappearance. I'll try to check in every now and then to say hi.

TheHiker TheHiker 41-45, M 6 Responses Aug 28, 2012

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Your situation sounds very difficult and stressful. I hope that you are ok so that you can take good care of your daughter. You sound like you are a good father :) We all make mistakes...no one is perfect. We just have to try to learn from our mistakes and try to be better. She needs her alone time right now so she can focus on herself and get mentally stable. *HUGS

When I last spoke with you, you had mentioned something about this. And even now these words are sad and heartfelt. You are TOO harsh on yourself, dear Hikerman. You are NOT to blame for all of this. You are a great dad! I have heard you talking to your daughter. It is obvious that you love her very much. And the fact that you STILL love your wife is amazing and shows that you are a good, decent, tender man! I know this about you! So glad she is getting help. And that you are raising your lovely daughter. I am here for you if you want to talk. And I am a great listener. I had wondered if you were okay....Please call me or chat with me. I care about you, dearheart! Sending love and hugs to you.....Take care. And reach out to me if you desire.....Love you too.

Hiker please don't be to hard on yourself.Your wife has problems that need proffessional help but you have a daughter who needs you,at moment you are her anchor and she must be your main concern,but please make sure she stays in contact with her mum's family and as her mum get's better then help her re-build a relationship with her.<br />
Mental illness can make people do crazy things but once they are stabilized with meds then they can lead good lives as long as they continue taking meds.Here to help if you need it!

sorry about what you are going through . . . I support you 100% my friend . . . if ever you need one I am here for you . . . always . . . you are doing all the right things . . . take care of yourself and your family . . . and thank you muchly for sharing this and letting those who care about you know what's going on . . . please keep in touch . . .

Oh honey. xx Will email you.

Aww Hiker, I'm so sorry you're going thru this........ I so admire you for wanting to do the best by your daughter. hugs and hugs.....