How Can I Find Happiness

I am contented with my life but I've never ever been happy.  Yes, there are time I laugh with petty jokes, I laugh with my family and friends and I tried to be very optimistic.  I am hiding my real emotions for the longest time.  Everytime I read my journals, everything has deep emotions...sad emotions.  I am like caught in a web desperately trying to escape it but the more I struggle the more it holds my soul.  I have too many questions about myself...what I want? what I am? Do I exist?  I haven't had the guts to ask this to anyone because I am afraid they might think I am crazy.  I get so confused about my true identity.  I even wondered if you feel thesame way I do.  Do we really exist.  I mean, why do I feel like I am the only person who see things around me?  It's like I am living in a dark room wondering what other people feels.  I'm even confuse now.  Sometimes it gets too much to handle.  I don't know what to think anymore. 

So, do I get it? will I find it with anyone? 'cuz as I see, they seem happy when they're with someone they love.   They're happy when they find love.  I had moments with people I thought I felt love but that din't last long.  It all end up in pain and now I don't even want to try it again.  I wont say my family doesn't make me happy.  They're a part of my life so it's normal to feel happy with them.  What I am trying to say is, how does it feel to be happy with something different apart from families.  Am I getting you confuse?  You tell me 'cuz I am too... 

WandaFull27 WandaFull27
26-30, F
2 Responses Jan 25, 2007

thanks. reading my old blogs made me realize it's not healthy for me at all. am ok now and i have learn to accept this imperfect life i have.

I feel your pain and suffering . I am in a situation almost like yours. It is heartwrenchig when you love somebody and they do not love you back. Turn it over to God. He will work it out for you. Keep your spirits and head up and also keep the faith. It is only a tesst we are going through. God will send Mr. right to you and myself. Arlene