I Am So Sad

I told myself over and over that I am over with love and with this 'guy'. I kept myself denying the truth but I was so wrong. We meet again and talked. We seem comfortable now but I think I lost him finally. As usual he makes me laugh and he cracks corny jokes and that's what I missed about him. He just makes me smile all the way. Our relationship was very platonic and I actually thought we'll work out like real lovers but then eveytime we see each other, we never communicate. We just make out secretly and I wondered why we do that...maybe because we don't want them interpret our closeness in a wrong way. We never talk about our life in general. I was so caught up with our relationship and it was stupid. People see us like two people in a mutual relationship but not two people in love. I never realized how wrong it was but then I did fight for my dignity and never fall for his overrated sweetness. When I found out he was hurt by some girl and was spending time with me pretending he's okay was a big blow. He totally used me and I never expected that. I always saw him with some girls but I didn't mind it at all because I know he was playing around but when I saw him break down over a girl...it made me realize then that I was no different from the other girls he played with. I didn't cry but I ran away. What's more sad, he didn't know my feelings for him and never does. Yesterday, I listened to myself when we were together, I am happy to know that I moved on but it hurts to know he's happy now. He's totally smitten with this girl and he actually said it right in front of me and my friend that she might be the one...

I am happy for his fulfillment. I don't hold grudge on him 'cuz that's not me. I know I am not being fair to myself but it's the reality I have to face. It may sound so unfair for me, too cuz he get to find happiness with someone...he who have hurt me deeply, he who used me and fooled me while now, I am left sad and lost. When I got home, I said to myself 'hey, he's just a guy', but that's not as easy as I thought. However, I got what I want from him...respect. He talked to me like a friend. He treated me well and he was open to me now. We were comfortable talking about his life now. At least he chnaged his approach to me now. I know he wants to change and maybe he will.

Now, I guess I have to enjoy my life being single and all. Happiness is not something we have to search 'cuz it just comes our way unexpected.

WandaFull27 WandaFull27
26-30, F
1 Response Feb 9, 2007

I am glad you are taking this so well. You will find your way again. Takes time and for the right person to walk into your life. Things have a way of working themselves out.