I Am Trying to Find Me
It is hard to know where to start but here it goes.
Up until January 29th 2008 I had a very fast paced career in Sales. I held the Job for three years and was quite successful.
On January 29th my boss came into my office and told me that the president of the company wanted to see us both, this happened on a regular basis so I didn't think much of it until I walked in.The atmosphere just felt wrong and intuition kicked in. At that point is was more like hey someone forgot to tell me it was my execution day. I was let go due to a reduction in workforce, or as I like to put it a reduction in women who cant join the executive male profile.
But the strange thing was I felt a smile on my face, I was actually happy or relieved, because I knew I had let my job define me. I haven't had the easiest life, my Mom and Step dad were the worst Druggies, they would host beer and pot parties when I was 12 for me and my Brother. That was on the weekends, because my Grandparents adopted me when I was two because of the abuse. I was so confused, torn between my mom, and a very level headed grandfather I really didn't know who I was.
When I was Seventeen, I got married and had three kids one after the other. During this time I was even more lost, my husband joined the Military left several times to fulfill his obligations and that left me in a town with no Family or friends, so I got a job selling cars at the ripe age of 19. I had two of my three children by then. The worst part was the hours and the smelly daycare, so I quit and moved back home. It was at this time my brother got a record deal so I used my grandparents to babysit, so I could be a family member groupie of sorts. When I look back I think I was following him because it made me feel important, and part of me was looking to still be a teenager.
When my husband came home from a year long assignment in Korea we moved again, and for 6 years we struggled financially, and with little education it was hard for me to find a job that paid more than Daycare charged. My husband and I fought constantly over money, I held a few jobs here and there but having children get sick and problems at home equal your fired. I did find myself attending a University for two years and that made me feel good because I always received good grades, and like my teachers in Elementary school I was praised for my insight quite a bit. The one thing I didn't have a handle on was my home life, so attending school became another thing in my life I didn't finish.
After that I left My husband and moved the 1800 hundred miles back home to my Family, but again I found myself becoming the Night Club Queen, I had found a job, and an Apartment, but I was also good at finding people who wanted to use me. After living that way for two years I reconciled with my Husband and returned. It wasn't long after this I found a job as a Sales Associate. My common sense approach to increasing sales soon gained me a promotion to two times the salary, and for the first time I was feeling good I was contributing to 401k, carrying insurance, and I even won a fully loaded car for sales efforts. I was one the cell phone talking business at football practice, traveled to many places for trade shows and training,everything you could want from a career I had it. My name was my job title.
I now find myself jobless again, and really not to inspired to become a title again, so I find myself looking for me. I find that I am intrigued with K-9 and the training and discipline it takes for these dogs, maybe it is the fact that they know what they want, they see a guy running they want to take him down, they know their purpose. Maybe buy a dog and train it I don't know? Well this is me for now, far from there perfect moms, that clean there kitchens with a new improved all purpose cleaner with the big happy smile.
