I Think I Know Where I'm Going But What Will I Do Once I Get There?

At the age of 41 I just finished my BA. I planned on grad school to be a counselor but I seem to really be dragging my feet and I'm not sure why. I've had a lot of crappy jobs in the past but I'm not currently working and I really am so excited about going to grad school. So what's the holdup? I took WAY too many credit hours (14) last summer (2012) and I know I got burnt out and needed a semester off but I just missed the deadline (well, I'm about to, anyway) for next fall! What am I thinking? I know everything happens for a reason but I don't understand what's holding me back. I have so many big plans for opening my own office and everything, its a complete dream come true. I'm not at all afraid of failing... school, at least. I'm good at school, that's not a problem. I am, however, afraid to go back to work, I think. My daughter is 18 and she's going to college now, too, and she wants to do the same thing I'm doing. We have all these wonderful dreams of having our own business, she taking on younger clients with art therapy, me handling the more disturbed adults. We both love dogs and we fantasize about having our own office, bringing our dogs to work with us every day, hanging out on our downtime at work, and generally, just having the most perfect life in the world.

What in the world could possibly keep a mother from wanting that?? I want it more than I've ever wanted anything, in fact, I think I might be afraid that I'm getting my hopes up and that she may decide to go into another field, I don't know. Its the most perfect plan EVER, and I've told myself a thousand times that I still want my own business even if she changes her mind about the whole idea but I love her so much and I want this so badly! Which makes it even stranger that I'm not doing my part to make it happen! I completely panicked when I realized I was going to miss the deadline for grad school applications next fall! I had to literally talk myself down and remind myself, she's 3 1/2 years behind me, by the time she's ready to be shadowed I'll always be at least one year ahead of her (necessary if she's going to work for me for her first year to get certified) as long as I go back within the next 2 years! I don't know, I think I've just never had anything so good in my life that I'm already afraid of losing it.
Sherritasworld Sherritasworld
41-45, F
Jan 22, 2013