I Hate This Man

Almost 3 years ago, I decided to give myself a chance in a relationship. I had suffered a terrible heartbreak from the man I loved with all my heart. I fell in lust with a beautiful man that listened to me encouraged me and made me feel like the beautiful woman that I am.  This man had too much baggage, 3 kids each from different women. Besides that the 3 years I had known him it never turned to something meaningful.  I wanted him to be the man for me and he admitted to wanting a relationship with me a little to late.  In an attempt to forget him and move on with my life I made an official relationship with the man I am with today.  He is a jealous, machista, kind of man that likes his woman at home cooking, cleaning, and taking care of the kids.  I went into the relationship thinking let's see how it goes, lets have some fun doing boyfriend and girlfriend things, some romance, butterflies in your stomach kind of things. Two weeks in to the relationship I became pregnant. He didn't believe in abortion, I never wanted to have one. We decided to keep it. I was an independent woman, making my own money, going to school and enjoying life as a normal 21 year old with a prosperous future would do.  I was submissive. I had plans to move away with my family and raise the baby alone and continue doing what I had to do to be successful in life.  This man stopped me.  I wanted him to be a father for our son.  I wanted him to be there. He wanted to be there. I moved in to my mother-in-laws house because it meant that my son would have his parents together. I've lived here for 2 1/2 years.  He hasn't finished his high school at the age of 28. A man that will never go to college and will never be at my level.  He's not even a man that can carry a good conversation.  My life did a whole 360.  I was skinny and beautiful self-confident.  I had friends and was happy.  Now I am fat, I feel ugly, I have suicidal thoughts from time to time and its all because I hate this man, the man that is the cause for all of my misfortune.  Yes I have a beautiful son but his father can't even buy him a some clothes. I don't even want to get up in the mornings because I have nothing to live for nothing to do. I am a prisoner of my own life.

BrownEyes727 BrownEyes727
1 Response Feb 22, 2009

Although I am man, I can related with your "prisoner" feeling. In my case, I am prisoner to my own emotions. I hold the key to the prison cell, if I only had the courage to turn it.