Within My Shadow

I remember being very little and living in a on a big hill. I remember those days with fondness. I felt happiness there.
I had a partner, my shadow, who was committed to being my life, long friend. We were alot alike except she was dark, and without expression. I was colorful and smiley. We were different her and I, but we were almost always together.
My shadow was mostly with me in the evening, duing sunset, when things became dark and scary. My shadow liked it a little dark and I liked being in the light. My shadow was amazing, it was so huge, yet if one didn't look she wouldn't even know she was there. I really loved seeing her for she gave me hope for the future, and gave me in my present. I never thought of my shadow in past tense.
The one place my shadow did not go was in my house. Perhaps my shadow was afraid what started happening in my home or perhaps it knew what was yet to come. My shadow wasn't with me when I needed to see her most. But, I knew she was with me somewhere. Didn't my shadow know bad things can happen in the light of day?
After moving from that house on the hill, things became worse. As I got older, life at home became unbearable. In the house we live moved to and the neighborhood was evil because really bad things happened there. How I wished I was still living in the house on the hill. I really missed it there.
As the days, months and years swept by, I stopped looking for my shadow. I knew it didn't like the road I traveled, the things I had done, and what had happened to me. My shadow too like so many others had abondoned me. As an adult I realize, now, that I am that shadow. My shadow was no longer in front of me or beside me. Back when I was still a child, through time, I became the shadow.
For now, that's how I live. I am the shadow, and I'm looking for the person I was meant to be, the one with all the expressions, color, and smiles. I want to find that person who liked herself, the one that was full of life and energy. I am the shadow, now, but someday through alot of searching, I WILL FIND ME!
keeva keeva
46-50, F
Dec 4, 2012