Where Has She Gone?

I have been on a self journey now for about 2 1/2 years. The day I left my ex-husband was the cusp of that journey....but even before I had begun a transformation that was needed and wanted for a long time.

I too, like many other men and women in relationships, lost the person I was, amongst the life that I had chosen to forge ahead with. I became a high school graduate (Thank GOD for that little miracle at the time), wife and Mother in a short time. I was satisfied to be a Mom.....but it was the lost love in my marriage that took me to my knees.

I was a typical girl in high school. Loads of friends, pretty popular, played sports and was involved in clubs etc all along. I dated my now ex husband through the last year and 1/2 of high school and unexpectedly became pregnant. My parents were all BUT happy.....so I ran away with my "Prince Charming" to have a great life of love, kids and happiness. Too bad that fizzled out after about 2 1/2 years of marriage.

We were no longer who we once were. We were busy, selfish and overwhelmed with the life we had before us that our love was squashed and left for dead very early on. It was then that I battled depression and self loathing. I wasn't good enough, it was my fault and of course the what is wrong with me question crept in.

I lead myself through a rough marriage filled with unloving acts, terrible behavior on both our parts in certain instances and in the end leaving for a better life I knew I deserved. So it is now I stand before this great world and wonder......where is she, that girl I once was? Is she here somewhere? Yes she is, just under a bit of muck but on her way out!!

I have had a few relationships since the end of my marriage in 2007. And in every one I have taken something from it. Lessons learned with age are awesome! I know that even now, in the midst of this transformation and discovery of the me I knew once before and want again......I have a long road ahead. The road I am on has had bumps....hurts....and hopes for better tomorrows. So here I go, into the great blue yonder to find me and make sure that it is this time I find Meg and proclaim her happiness my priority and no one else's........