Damaged People Are Dangerous. They Know They Can Survive.

We were trying to move past everything and start over, but I really don’t think that I can. Sometimes things between us can be so awesome, but they haven’t been in a really long time. We used to do things as a family, infectiously smile at each other, and have TONS of sex.  It feels great when we are in that place… or felt great… God I wish that my curiosity hadn’t gotten the best of me… Forgive me for not believing him when he tells me that he has barely spoken to her… because this is exactly how he so-called “ended” it with her the last two times! He “said” that he just stopped talking to her for like two weeks, BULLSHIT!  I remember getting insanely irritated by his stupid phone going off constantly, text after text, and every time I would leave the room, he would be texting when I came back in. I tried so hard not to look at his phone, really I did! After he finally went to sleep, I must have stared at that stupid thing for hours! I had to know if he was lying to me about getting rid of her… So, I looked at his texts….
I knew she was there in my house… Even though he swore up and down he picked her up that day and took her home that night… I wasn’t born yesterday! How can I believe that all she was there for was to be his friend and help him clean OUR house! He STARTED our clean slate with a lie!!! There were so many other women that he had text conversations with, talking about meeting up, meeting up AGAIN, doing all kinds of illegal drugs, but hers absolutely destroyed me…….. These words will haunt me forever! She said to him… “when are you coming home, I am freaking out… I keep thinking that she is going to come home”
Like my house, is her house! He left her alone, in my house, after I begged and pleaded with him, I said to him "please, we had dreamed of owning our own home for as long as we have been dating, that was our dream and it wasn't easy, but both of us worked hard for a very long time to be able to buy it. we shopped around for months, we both knew this was the one the first time we saw it, we tore up that disgusting blue carpet, and we fixed it up, and are raising our family together, please don't" I knew he was going to as soon as he told me he was going to see her while I was out of town... so... I didn't clean a ******* thing, or change the sheets... Or stop asking him if she was there with him every time I talked to him. There was always a nagging voice in the back of my head telling me that he was lying, but I actually did believe him when he told me she wasn’t there. When his sister called to tell me that she went to my house and didn’t see her there. It was as if our relationship that I had barely been keeping alive on life support for so long, might actually survive after all.... Then, the whole world stopped when I heard her tell me that she couldn't lie to me...... I didn’t even get a chance to realize that I felt relieved before she recanted her story. I felt all the life get sucked out of me, it was like I could see her words pulling the plug on that life support, as she said them. I didn't care what he said, I knew they had sex in my bed as soon as I stepped Through the door. Every room in the house was exactly the way I left it…The lunch that we had right before I left, was still on the table and so was my youngest daughter’s plate that she never picked up from dinner the night before. The only rooms that were touched at all… were my youngest daughter’s room (which was only slightly picked up) and MY BEDROOM!!!  That son-of-a-***** spent the entire time that I was gone IN MY BEDROOM!!! I realized then that I had been trying to keep alive something that had already been dead the whole time I had been fighting to keep it alive..... I went out and finally hammered in that last nail in the coffin and had sex with another man.
 We decided to let it all go and put it behind us, but I made that agreement, to wipe the slate clean and start over fresh, before I found her text… I can’t do it… Every single thing in my own house is a constant reminder of this! I can’t get it out of my head… I felt so sick to my stomach that I literally threw-up! I just want to know why…. I can’t do it… I cannot forget this…There is no way I could ever forgive him for this…  
TypicalPisces TypicalPisces
36-40, F
Jul 19, 2010