Getting My Life Back In Order

I am a africian American woman who is trying to get her life back. I loss to of my favor people in my life. I lost my only child Kyle to homicide in the Philadelphia area in July 2007. I recently just loss my beautiful, wonderful and corageous mother on January25,20010. Ithought my male companion was going to get me through the storm, only to realize he was not there for me at all. This man is 9years older than me. I meet him when I was16 and he was 25. We had a bouncing, healthy baby boy. He did not help in raising our child.  I was a single parent with the help from my family especially my mother. I did not even take him to c hild support court. I left him when our son was 18months. I reconnected with him abouth five years ago. At first everything was fine. Then the relationship started to go downhill. I lefted him on numerous occasions,but somehow he talked me into coming back. I treated him liked a king I cooked, cleaned and served him breakfast lunch, dinner in bed.He cheated on me numerous times. He even went back on drugs numerous times. throught it all I forgave him. He does not appreciate me, acknowledge me or he ddi not even loved me. He was all for himself. I had our son when i was 17. I had custody of our grandson since he was 2. He was not there for him .I always had to enterrtained our grandson. I am all about family It took me years to see he is not. You can not change a person. The indiviual have to want to change. I worked all my life since I was 14 and I will be 49 In august.I lefted him for good this time I am not going back. I moved in with my youngest sister who is having a hard time with our mother's death. She needs me more than he does tha t is what family is all about.God put us together so we can heal each other. I need to build my self esteem back up and move on to bigger and better things in life

arth409 arth409
46-50, F
2 Responses Feb 24, 2010

I lost my only daughter Rebecca the same way in Boston in 2008, but for you it seems only the beginning of your troubles. The Church did help, because that is the only place where we can make sense of life and death. I am now planning to run as the Green Party candidate in my district as State Representative, because even if i do not win, at least we can talk about our idiot policies relating to drugs and guns

My dad always said, you can't change the past only the present or the future. Seems like you have a good situation at the present with your sister. Now enjoy your time with her as you prepare for your future - - what changes do you want to make? How can we help?