Fear

The road to recovery begins with facing my fears. The two biggest fears that I have are so stupid...because they contradict each other. I fear staying in this relationship because he could be making a huge fool out of me and hurt me again. I also fear leaving and asking for a divorce, because he could be serious about change and I really do love him. I am afraid of what staying will do to my children. Will they grow up to think that infidelty is acceptable? I am afraid of what leaving will do to my children- will he be good father if we aren't together? I am afraid that I will become like my mother- an enabler who became so self involved that she destroyed everyone around her with her divorce. I am afraid that I will become like my father-bitter, resentful, unable to move on and alone. I am afraid to make a decision because it seems so final and I don't know which one is right for me. In actuality, I only have one fear- making a decision.
b4realz b4realz
31-35, F
6 Responses Nov 5, 2012

I will tell it to you straight : if you don't take seriously the betrayal and hold Him accountable for what he did He will do it again. Even if you love him, he can not betray you and not suffer consequence. Your kids will think they will get away too and do the same in the future. Love and Trust go together if you cannot trust him soon loving him will get very hard to do. You can give him a second chance, but it will only be to cheat on you again.

You sound like me two years ago -- I mean EXACTLY like me. I was so afraid to be the bad guy and end my marriage. Worried about what it would do to my kids and how people would judge me. But then I was afraid of staying in the marriage knowing it was a joke and letting him continue to walk on me. When the time is right, you will know what to do.

what a thing to have to deal with. you are the only one who can make this decision and all i can say is find some time to meditate and ask yourself the question and listen to your gut.
Your gut will always tell you and if you are still unsure...dont do anything. If you dont trust him that much set up some boundaries and be clear about your expectation and transparencies. If you decide to stay, see a counsellor and ask for help, get them to help you with building trust again and bring you close to one another again. Something went wrong and you gotta find out why....best of luck! Hate those feelings of uncertainty!

Making a decision like this requires so much courage. Lean on your support network. I think what's best for the kids is inadvertently what's best for you and your husband.

oh no, cyber HUGH once a cheat always a cheat.
i know to many young women staying with there hubbys due to fear of what there child will have to cope with with out them around :(

yea, um hug ggggrrrr typos

:( my heart goes to you. I feel the same way and I think we may have the same truth. No matter how much we want him to change, he won't. And just being with him after what he has done shows him he doesn't have to because we always forgive them. Mostly I am afraid of seeing him be with someone else. If I leave he will do what we used to do with someone else, he will give them the love I didn't get. He will marry her and have her kids and I think it will crush me. I fear to decide myself. Either way, I am crushed and worn down and just want the love I deserve.