How?

How do I stay calm? How do I step back and let him follow his path where it leads? How do I not cry every time he leaves? How do I move on if that's what I truly have to do? How do I know when that time comes? How do I look at him and not see the man I want so badly? How do I be his best friend? How do I let him be mine? How do I look at these kids and not see him? How do I look at him and not see her? How do I keep myself from texting him constantly to tell him that I love him more than he could imagine? How do I not tell him that she clearly doesn't make him happy? How do I be alone? And if we do end, how do ever love someone this much again? How can another man ever be to me what he is? If we don't end, how will my family and friends forgive him? How will he forgive himself? How do I know she will ever let go? How do I know she won't pursue him until she definitely has him? How do I know she won't hurt him? How do I trust her around my kids? How do I stay sane while she's around my kids? How do I stay friends with our mutual friends without them having to pick sides? How do I ever get over him? How do I sleep in our bed alone? How do I quit? I don't know how to quit...
Jgizmo Jgizmo
31-35, F
4 Responses Dec 6, 2012

That was amazing..
It's like you took every thought and fear right out of my head
and put them into words...
Thank you

Your not alone...
You are very focused on him...
please don't forget to focus on yourself...
talk it through
you have friends here!
good luck

Step 1 ) enroll in community college class, step 2) get your cougar on.

If he wants to cheat and be open about it, i suppose theres no harm in you cheating in the female way and just keeping it totally a secret, remember that socially you are batting major league and he is still playing T-ball. You have a huge advantage and you should use it now.

My first wife left me for a man twice my age; I had supported her and loved her dearly, she was my first real girlfriend and all I really wanted was a family and love. It hurts, but the truth is that you will fall in love again, probably with someone you like a whole lot more than that guy. My plan was to smother my self with vaginas and i feel like it worked quite well, and eventually i found the perfect woman. You will be Ok hon, just be strong and trust that time (and possibly a solid rodgering) heals everything

You may not want to hear from me or read anything I have to say because I have been the other woman and that probably disgusts you... But maybe my story might help you.

When I first started dating my MM he & his wife were to the point where they fought everyday. It started out purely sexual as I think for him a way to vent. They finally separated and he moved out. During this time he was truly using this as a time to think. He still continued to see me but he gave me very little. It was like he was waiting for her to realize that the breakdown of their marriage was BOTH of their faults. Instead she blamed him 100%. She was so angry with him she still continued to fight him everyday. She would send him threatening texts regarding his business & his kids. The point is during this crucial time she chose to push him further away.

I know me being in the picture was wrong. But I also know that I had nothing to do with the failure of their marriage. He was at fault. She was at fault.... And somehow i was just there. If you truly want your husband back try to remind him of why he fell in love with you. I know you feel angry but now is not the time to show him... If you both decide to work it out then you need to get into counseling. you said you've become closer this past month and I think that is great... Just have hope & patience.

Thanks for commenting. I have been trying to be calm around him and just be there for him as this isn't easy for him either. He vents to me about her and his mom. I've told him that I'll be there for him as long as I can be. I'm much more sad and disappointed than angry. I really do love him unconditionally. I have told him that he needs to be happy whether that means with me, her, or on his own. As soon as he recommitted to me and lets me know that he wants to really work on this, I'm going to make an appointment with a counselor. We saw one last year when this all started, but he wasn't ready to let her go and I wasn't really ready to admit my blame. I have openly admitted it to him and we have both apologized for our parts. What really worries me is that she won't ever go away even if he says he's done with her. She's kind of relentless in her pursuit of him. And she gets very dramatic if she doesn't get her way. I wish I could make this decision for him, but I know it's a path he is on and I just have to hope his path rejoins mine.

We seem to be in a similar situation...I read your story, and felt all the same things. It's so hard to know what's best for you. I feel like I'm going crazy most of the times, and I just don't know what to do with myself...I know I may not be helping, but know you're not alone. That's what makes me feel a little better...

It does help to have people on here that actually feel what I do. I have an immense amount of hope that everything will work out, but it comes with a lot of pain. It's very hard for me to sit back and wait for him to realize that this is where he belongs. That said, we have become closer over the last month than we have the last year. I'm just having a hard time today because she gets to meet my kids on Saturday. It makes me sick!