A Dark Day

Brokeness...
Stumbling through the day, trying to make it feel "normal"
He came in late
We tried to pretend, but it was too much for me
He slept downstairs
Get up early, can't sleep
Take out the trash
Have devotional downstairs
Get the kids ready
Suggest we make changes to our facebook accounts
Trying to affair proof our marriage
Unresponsive, burst of anger
Lashing out at me because he's pissed that I'm making it a big deal
But saying that he will do whatever it takes in the same breath...
What does that mean?
Too weak to push the issue.
Go upstairs, get dressed
Have to get out today
Go to Kmart to pick out Christmas toys
Forgot about us...excitement over the kids faces when they unwrap their gifts
One look at his face and the excitement disappears
He looks like he wishes he were elsewhere.
His phone is preoccupying his attention.
And then I remember that we aren't a happy family out Christmas shopping.
A volunteered story about his boss' wife calling from Morocco.
????????Mind goes to self defense mode....
We argue about money...something inside me wants to save.
Never know when I will have to step out on my own.
He doesn't understand nor does he care.
He has had enough of pretending that he can wait until I can trust him.
As much as I want him to stay and comfort me,
We both know that he won't.
This isn't my day to cry so I swallow back the tears and keep it moving.
b4realz b4realz
31-35, F
3 Responses Dec 11, 2012

You have my sympathy sweety and hugs....

Actually no, I have not done the divorce thing, but I know guys and the older they get the worst it is when finding out something is wrong. Just be prepared in case you two cannot work it out.

Get over it but keep a short leach on him. Know where he goes and what he want. Life is more than sex and he has to figure that out. In the meantime, take your name off of all credit cards, house bills and insurance company. If things get worse than it is now, wait till divorce court and one of you leaving the house. Have minimum of $5,000 handy for quick exit.

You sound like you've done this before.