Sad N Hurt

after having an abortion that was coerced, I lost my life. I quit school, quit going places, quit being happy, quit talking to friends... i just gave up on life. Now I sit home everyday after trying to comit suicide twice, self inflicting n crying myself to sleep everyday n night...

I tried to conceive again for like 8 months skipping maybe two.. n I still got  nothing.. This month i thought I did everything right bu tmy cycle is due tomorrow n I have been having af cramps since a week or more agao n they are still here.. I have cried everyday since Iknow in my heart this is another failed try...

I know the only thing that will bring me lower than my low is not being able to conceive again after I had my blessing right there. I will forever hate my mom and the rest of my family for leading me to do such a terrible thing to someone I loved when I knew she was inside of me... I feel they robbe me of her love.. She was due last month on the fifth n I was hoping to have conceive dby then so it would nt hurt as much, but again there was nothing.. N that had to have been the toughest month of my life...

 

I just want a second chance. I wante dmy baby n Im being punished because i was forced or coerced... I was put in a bad situation. My mom knew I was sick n a afraid n she took advantage of me. N has ruined my life.. one of my bestfriends gave brth the other due n may n my mom ran n told me the news like I suppsoe to be soo excited for them after my baby wa staken from me...

 

Im crying as I type this because a part o fme is forever dead. sometimes i wonder what my future holds, sometimes I just dont care... If I cannot bear children, I have no future because It will hurt me tooo bad worst than the abortion....

 

pray for me anyone out there who understands my pain n does not judge me. Pray that my chance comes... N not too lat ewhen i canot bear life any longer.... please... Im n so much pain..

Im 20 years old.. I should be enjoying life. Im engaged n afraid he will leave me if I cant give him another child...... My heart is wounded....

flamedheart flamedheart
18-21
1 Response Feb 25, 2010

First of all, I am so sorry honey. It must be terrible to have had something you wanted right in front of you then have it snatched away. But, this could take some time. I think after abortions or miscarriages it can take some time to conceive again.